Tonight many of us bid our farewell with heavy hearts and light wallets to another fiscal year. I am saying "many" because from my minuscule knowledge of the world of finance Canada, India, HongKong, Japan and UK have their new financial years staring in summer. The rest have their own seasons.

• Will this year have enough scope to fuel growth prospects?
• Professional success or personal fulfillment - Would we seek to cement our existing roles, strive to climb the next rung in the corporate ladder, make merry with whatever we have or give it all up to go back to seek refuge in school and learn a thing or two?

Dear Mother Nature,

I think you have an eating disorder, Aren't you getting too gluttony of late?
Snow for breakfast , Sunshine for lunch , Chilly winds for tea and Storm for dinner?

(Sound of lightning) Was that your burp I heard?

~ Lafemmereva

P.S Colorado has the lowest obesity rate in the country and of late the most unpredictable weather!!!

Deary Diary,

If I could go back in time to that day when Murphy evacuated his mother's uterus and made an emergency exit into this world, I would take him and feed him to a cannibal. Bah!!! Murphy and his laws ruled my day and just had a blast!!!!

U just wait Mister, I will so come after you and vanquish you!!! Xena - The warrior princess types!!!!

And I will live to see a PS3 game named after our battle.

Amen!

P.S The guy who sits near the copier is cute!

Hi,

I am the Southener. Remember me? I am a day late. Sorry. I was vacationing in Hawaii. I suggest you all also vacation there more often. Natural beauty(ies) in its abundance ;) Lafemereva is planning to vacation in Hawaii this holiday season after seeing the pics I brought back!

Today I write about an Idea that destroyed many student lives.

Everyone was living a life of peace and quietude. Students were passing all their exams, percentage of educated people were rising. One sadistic Russian did not like this at all. So kabooooom one night, high on a lot of vodka and potatoes, he got an idea and developed a table which wreaked complete havoc amongst the student crowd. Some failed, some left academics, many went mad, there was total chaos. The percentage of educated fell at an exponential rate, and till date it still tortures the daylights out of people. I am talking about Dmitri Mendeleev and his periodic table. This is very close to my heart as even after burning the midnight oil I still get confused between Ca and Na. To add to my woes nowadays in movies (Like Dasavatharam (Tamil)) people have started using terms like Nacl instead of common salt. The day is not far when I have to go to an arrack shop and ask for Ch3Oh.

Structure of methanol:


Related Posts:
Southener Series - Numero Uno - Idea that helped create a multi-million dollar empire
Southener Series - Numero Deux - Idea that helped create a multi-million dollar tool

I had seen almost all movies worthy of being watched so I decided to stay in and watch my favorite TV shows while cuddled on the couch in my pajamas with my favorite date - Hagen Dazs.

The doorbell rings and she rushed in her saturday night best. She hadn't called on me in a long time and thankfully that didn't stop her from calling on me in her hour of distress.

Looking every inch the chic girl I knew her to be, my friend walked in to narrate a woeful tale of how she went out to a movie with a friend whose husband tagged along as well. What was planned to be a girl's night out turned out to be a nightmare for this friend. The couple apparently cooed and canoodled while my friend was left feeling terrible for the lack of similar attention. Half way through she left the movie and headed straight to meet me and ask - Was she suffering from the disease of being single?

A lot of what I say is what a friend of mine told me a very long time ago when I went to him while being in a similar quandary myself. Very long ago on a friday night I was stood up by all my friends who were cozying up with their significant others leaving me to brave the night alone on my couch. Just me and Hagen Dazs. Being new to this country and being single was a double whammy. So I called a friend of 9 years - Let's call him Mr. Lafayette, whom I thank for being my sounding board on several occasions till date, instilling in me a strong sense of direction.

At the risk of stating the obvious I say it - Couplehood is the most trendy label. Society and hormones enforce it's necessity and subsequent popularity. I dare not disagree. You always have someone to wake up to, talk to, do things with, someone to buy you gifts on your birthday someone to make you feel like a million bucks!

So the million dollar question - why are some of us still single?

It's not because someone left us or vice versa. No we are not dorks, nerds, geeks or social recluses. We are not too picky or foolishly eternally in wait for "The One" to come along. It could be all that too, but in a large majority of cases it is a self made choice.

Being single doesn't make sense as a conscious choice because of its popular association with leading a miserable life ALONE! It is looked at widely only as a transitory phase - a sort of lean period before couplehood rules the roost, again!

Singlehood is truly just that - a transitory phase. Nobody dies an old maid. Not even if you a serial casanova or a resident of the land of commitment phobia. Every single crosses over to the other side of the fence eventually.

Being single, for lack of a better word, can suck. Putting yourself out in the dating scene every friday night can seem a daunting task to many. A huge slap on the face of self esteem but we need to remind ourselves of the principle that got us all through college- To get an admit you need to apply! The best part is you meet some good eggs, some bad ones but for the most part you do meet a lot of bright minds.

Do you know that my best investment is not in Prada, Fendi or Burberry. Its my investment in self improvement. I am a good cook, I manage my finances, I get to spend my money without having anyone to tell me how. I have the time to prep for a marathon, to be with my friend's pets, to visit parents more often, to travel extensively across the country, rediscover old friends and new cultures.

If you have been or are newly single invest all of your time in learning to love and care about that one person who can satisfy all your needs - Yourself. This way you are reducing your sure shot as hell encounter with an overdose of disappointment when your dream of finding the one to fill the void within your soul is unrealized. It is a void that only we can truly fill ourselves. Having a significant other hardly bolsters your stability. If anything it brings with it an extra person , an extra baggage. You need the"other" to complement you. Not fill you.
Foolishly hoping the partner to fill in the gaps results in endless resentment - a vicious state which entails unnecessary extra marital ventures spelling the marital doom.

Like the proverbial dark cloud having a silver lining there are a zillion pros to being single. Discover them through your personal journey. Example?
If you are a girl you can shop all you want and don't have to hide your stuff in the closet and pretend to have had it since ages. And if you are a guy you can do with her not having to borrow your razor for quick "silky smooth legs".

Celebrate being single. Remember that's what the soap Sex and the city showed us! Before you have that unsettling feeling that I am suggesting you romp around your city with no tag of commitment involved, you are wrong. Nor am I suggesting that you all live vicariously through Charlotte/Miranda/Carrie/Samantha. I am urging you all to make your discoveries, learn your own lessons. Become a better you! Trust me relationships are high maintenance and time consuming. Use all the time you have at hand NOW! Love happens when you least expect it to!

So tell yourself - Come date night, will party! Sure you could get stood up or end up feeling left out at times when your friends liplock. That's when girlfriends/guyfriends come to the rescue. Like I went to my friend's today and like my friend came to mine in the distant past!

And for those nights in get a good couch and a pair of running shoes. Hagen Dazs fat free version is still a good 280 calories that you need to burn the next morning!!!

P.S. #1 Friend just drove away , a couple of hours and scoops of double fudge sundaes later, feeling much better, promising to call on me more often:) She is sure she will not die an "Old Maid" now!
P.S. #2 Lafayette asks to be described a a guy who has the bod of a greek god! His email will be made available upon request.

Related Posts:
Open letter to my one and only mallu chekkan
To my Tam Brahm GF'S 'agonosing' aunts

Happy Ugadi to ye all!

May the pachchadi, avakkai , gongura and kandi gunda flow in your homes in abundance!!!

New beginnings , Good Times!

Bah!!! Murphy's law...On a day when you work from home work is constantly flowing and the connectivity isn't.

Finally 6 in the evening by the time I called it a snow stormy day!

So I go walking (car tires are cooling in several inches of snow) to the friend's home.
Don't believe me? See my footprints in snow here.



Conversation flowed and then she pulled it on me. The 5 minutes. More like rapid fire.
5 questions will be asked in 5 minutes and the target (me) has to answer without giving much thought. And the person asking the question should surprise the target without any advance notice about such an august event.

Only upon completion I will be allowed to devour the delectable masala vada and chai. Bah, like when mummy says brush your teeth , then only breakfast!!!After all these years I assure you it makes no difference - Breakfast/Brushing , Brushing/Breakfast. Trust me, I have healthy teeth. Read this

Okay so,

1. Aren't you afraid of being judged when you make some parts of your life public in your blog. Like aren't you concerned about being judged? (I usually blog a lot at this friend's place, so she is aware of this blog and all, avid fan, you could say)

Lafemmereva: What I write is from my real life but I never let details slip. Period. Even if I did , inadvertently, all I have to say is "I have not done anything that the person reading my blog hasn't done already". So let HIM, the three lettered guy, up above us all in the sky so high do the judging. The rest of us can go back to eating vada, drinking chai and blog browsing.

2. How do you manage to have such a huge social network? Where do you find the time to stay in touch?

Lafemmereva: It is more difficult these days NOT to stay in touch what with being online on Gtalk, Yahoo, AOL, Orkut, Facebook, Twitter, Digg....et al. So despite being on all these portals if you are not in touch with friends and family, you are cutting a sorry figure!

3. Boyfriend/Girlfriend and why?

Lafemmereva: Boyfriends are like earthquakes
You are left in shambles after they are gone
Girlfriends are like cupcakes
The sweet taste doesn't leave your mouth even after its gone.

4. India/US- where will lafemmereva make her home?

Lafemmereva: Home is where the heart is. Salaam India!

5. Favorite option - Restart/Shut down. Why?

Lafemmereva: Shut down. So that I can...

Get out.
Walk in the snow
Feel the chill
Take a walk
Go to a friend's place
Have a hearty chat
Feel alive!!!!

P.S Vada and Chai was top notch!

Related posts:
If tomorrow comes..
It's a girl
This day, This year, Right here, Right now
Granny's day out

The only image more visually enticing than the bank balance at the end of the month, is the one below:



Things to do tomorrow:

1. Sleep in

2. Eat foot long subs in foot deep snow

3. Throw snowballs *intentionally* and apologise

4. Send emails every 5 minutes as proof of *not* working from home

This is *fool's paradise* life.

Many thanks to all ye people for the e-group hug.

The virus felt isolated,
I felt elated.

Mwah Mwah!



Related posts:
This day,This year,Right here,Right now
Happy Birthday - Bacteria!

Read *this* first . And now armed with the big story read below.

This day will go down in the annals of history not as World Tuberculosis day.
Not as the day lafemmereva woke up early in the morning to get her skin
pricked because she was guile enough to go to some prick's party and
sportingly hosted one of her own in her body.

She is such a gracious host!!!

The 24th day in the month of March in the year of 2009 in the
Gregorian calendar will henceforth be fondly recollected as that day
when l/reva realized that It's not a man's world after all and sometimes a
girl can have all the luck!

Scene at the doc's. The results are out.

Lafemmereva : Tumhare paas kya hain?
Doc : Mere paas bacteria hain! Tumhare paas kya hain?
Lafemmereva : State of the art, world class immune system

The joke is on the doc who has the flu of the stomach...Me? All I have
is good KARMA! ;)

Related Posts:
Happy Birthday Bacteria
It's a girl!

Will I live to 89? Yes - good karma and digestion willing.

Will I be blogging? Yes - Internet and good eyesight willing.

Will I be living with my children? Yes. I''ll Drop everything on the floor, not make my bed, hang up the phone just as someone walks into the room, spill my food on the table and when questioned, I'll tell them - I'm giving you a taste of your childhood. I'm doing to you rascals what you did to me when you were kids.

Will I be hale and healthy? Yes. Doctor and surgery willing.

No, not the surgeries of the heart or some such vital organ our biology teachers made us draw in school. I'm talking about the more essential ones -The cosmetic nip/tuck types. A tuck here and a nip there! When nature lets you down technology has to step in, correct?

None of what I said above for *this* nanny.

Did she just wow! you? This Granny is on a high!! Go Granny Go!

Especially this part - "Asked about her election message to voters, she said: "I am upset when I see a lot of youths turning to drugs and there are not enough schools. If chosen, I will make it all better."

A request to the Granny....How about advocating for lowering the cost of dental insurance? We both have that issue in common!

*Obama need look no farther for a face for his drug eradication efforts across the border.

Related Post: It's a Girl

Santa has a good idea. He visits people once a year - with gifts. So does the virus/bacteria - with fever. See - History repeats.

And the Doc is not even half as good as Santa. The virus is not half as bad as the Doc.

Doc delivered the fab news that I may possibly have a minor virus/ bacteria issue. He said it was the in - thing in my neighbourhood.

A a couple of days ago I went to a bash thrown by a kind neighbour who was leaving the country for good. A "milk" dessert was served. In the toast, I thought I saw a sly grin on his face when he said "I hope I am leaving behind something for you all to remember".

Today is World Tuberculosis day. Bacterium's favorite day. Maybe all the bacteria in the world decided to party in my body and are hungover on the remnants of the milk from the dessert. I am honored to be their host!

Oh! My doc, also my neighbour, was in that party :)

You may want to read these too:
This day, this year, right here, right now
To-you-ma-darlingmwahhhh

A tense and stressful 6 hrs passed with concern about an ailing kin today. I usually am a make-up person and smile is my favorite cosmetic. Stress as you know is the worst concealer.

Frantic calls, lots of pacing up-and-down-the-corridor and endless cups of coffee was becoming the order of the day. As things progressed I decided to take mind off things. I walked into my office break room where we all gather to heat our lunch in the microwave unit.

Scene: Two microwave units in the break-room and I am waiting my turn near one of them as both are occupied by two ladies (who sit near my workstation and are remarkable witty. I so so so love them for regaling me with their wisecracks everyday)

Lady 1: "I am going to rush to the restroom while my lunch gets heated in the oven".

Saying so, she times the m/wave unit to a minute and goes to the restroom for doing "it".
Lady 2 and I engage in small talk.

Lady 1 returns from the restroom just as the one-minute timer on her m/wave unit is about to go off. She reaches to take her lunch out of the oven and while doing so sports a "I don't believe this" kind of expression.

Lady 2 (seeing Lady 1 's expression speaks): "You are surprised your food can be so frozen that even a minute in the oven hasn't done it any good?"

Lady 1: "No! , I never knew I could do "it" in the restroom in less than a minute."

Lady 2: Don't tell the manager this or she will time us to do "it" in less than a minute and add that as a performance measure in our appraisal!!!!

:) And just like that I smiled.....again....

And yes, I did time myself during my next trip .....and I'm sure you will too!!!!

Just when you thought I had forgotten about it...Here I come.

Hi,

I am the Southener. If we haven't met before..Pls read this. Thanks!

Foresight:
Our Italian mastermind invented a device which he used to letch at this beautiful girl next door, who moved out to the next locality, so he just increased the power of this device, and then she moved to the next city and then town and then country, and the genius that he was went on increasing the distance till which he could see his old haunt, and very soon abracadabra .......Galileo had created a telescope.

Cya next Sunday.

Related Post: Southener Series - Numero Uno - Idea that helped create a multi-million dollar empire

A shoe, a shirt, a wonderful skirt and a brilliant dress,
if i could buy it all with my cash not becoming less,
is the dream i have every time i dream,
even thinking of it makes me shout and scream !!

I brood and i think on how to make it true,
but the vision of the dress is stuck to my mind like glue !!
Every blink i make redeems the pleasure of the fancy bags,
then the mind tells me "spending drives you from riches to rags" !!

Quietly i sit and mourn the loss of my fancy item,
the woes of it surround me and their grips tighten !!
I sit there silently thinking what to do,
but no idea comes apart from the missed lovely shoe !!

Seeing my woes god did appear,
his wardrobe was made of nothing less than Hilfiger !!
He said "Daughter i do understand your plight,
In heaven Hilfiger is free, but on earth you have to pay for it right?"

I looked up to god and nodded my head,
he looked down at me and this is what he said !!
"Spending when necessary is out of need,
otherwise to monetary constraints it will lead !!

For some people need may be more, for some less,
thinking of that do not take too much stress !!
Reason for yourself how much you do really need,
buy just that, and money will stick to you like a wild reed !!

I agree Dolce is good and Gabbana even better,
but self control is a virtue not a few fancy letters !!
Keep this in mind and judge for yourself,
whenever you see fancy items lying on a shelf !!"

With these few words god did the disappearing act,
but by then i had made in my mind a pact !!
I would judge whats necessary and what is not,
even though it maybe Calvin Klein or not !!

With this thought i went to the mall with friends,
and i was sure i would listen to gods advice and make amends !!
They were all on a full fledged shopping spree,
but i controlled myself and got only what was free !!

Home i came a little depressed,
but the sight of my cash balance took away all the stress !!
For the first time in history I had not spent in a mall,
and in the entire weekend my bank balance did not become small !!

I had learned the trick to spend less and still be content,
necessity was the mother of invention and now i knew what it meant !!
To overcome desires and have self control was no longer a tale,
I had done it and i knew that was the path on which to sail !!

To read the other poems please click here

Over a mango milk shake
meeting up after a long break

A man and a woman, in their twenties, took a journey back in time
to their school days when all they had was a dime

Nostalgia was hanging heavily in the air
memories were swinging in their mental rock chair

Night would soon be falling
conversation was flowing

They both put aside their adult masks
they wanted to feel like a kid again - with no adult to ask

For once from their grown-up routine they did budge
chatting about summer afternoons spent licking chocolate fudge

Catching up on their lives after they drifted away
gamely treating each other to truth/dare for play

He told her about the skirts he chased
she told him about the hearts she did break

They spoke of assets and liabilities as is the fashion
wondering if their emotional ledger needed a re-organization

Way back then fantasy, fun and frolic was their jargon
cut to now it was disillusionment, dilemma and delusion

They asked the maître d' how they could afford childhood again
money was every working class human's most necessary bane

He said – “You may never have the selling price of childhood's exorbitant market rate
but you can always loan it for a few precious moments by re-living it with a mate

The returns of borrowing your childhood for a while
is worth more than the cost of going that extra mile”

So they decided to meet up every now and then when a mate came by
to take off that mask and have a few laughs about the days gone by

Their glasses were empty and their hearts were lighter
frown lines became laugh lines and their faces became much brighter

When the maître d' came after a while to clear the table as was his usual task
he saw they had left behind something else with their tip - their adult mask!

In the same car that the man and the woman came in the dark
he saw a boy and a girl drive away as happy as a lark

"Maybe they are going back to school" - he thought, smiling at life's hand at work
and hopefully this time around they will do their homework!

To read the other poems please click here

I am a girl and you are a boy
Your job is to be cute and mine is to be coy

It was love at first sight
And between us there was never a fight

I always called you day and night
To hear your voice that put away my fright

Long distance never ever made us part
We shared everything between us from start

Every night I sent you my kiss and hug
Which made you sleep cozy and snug

With time however you started to love her more
And the strains in our relation increased it's score

You craved to see her first on hearing the cock doodle
And I had to be happy just playing the second fiddle

Fear of losing you to her crept in me
Depressed and lugubrious i started to be

It was time to salvage our waning relation
It was time to come to face with the painful revelation

I came hurriedly to see you after almost a year
On seeing your indifference to me I shed a tear

I tried to show you how i was always there
With all your love now only for her, you didn't seem to care

I had let distance come between us honey
Because my work commanded me to travel far for money

She comforted me saying you will learn with time
That i was also yours and you were also mine

Because you are too small to understand that I am your aunt
And though I yearn to love you more than her - your mother - I can't

I leaped in relief for she was my best sister and your most loving mother
And you, she and I will make an absolutely fab trio together!!!!

To read the other poems please click here

Tonight's episode of American Idol will be a very memorable one for me for some more time to come. It was a Nashville Grand Ole Opry week.

Nashville - I can probably write a 1000 words more on my first post of entry into this country. Grand Ole Opry - where a devilish roommate once took me, to see an ice show. At the end of the show I literally became an ice maiden myself!!

And the performances on tonight's Idol- You find treasure when you least expect it to. Anoop Desai really put up a good show. But he still doesn't work for me!!! Form is temporary, class is permanent.

A pic from that ice show in Nashville - Grand Ole Opry I went to. Yep! these are made of ice!!! :)





Related Posts : On that friday....

Girls,

What did our mothers tell us? Vitamins and minerals make your hair and skin healthy and wealthy. See all those celebrities minting money out of shiny hair and skin!!!

If nature has let you down, let technology step in.

See what a good friend discovered here.

God bless such good friends.

Never trust even your shadow in matters of your money
Never trust even your nanny in matters of your honey

Here's why.

Ouch! Did brad show his other cheek?

Signed,
X.O.X.O (Gossip Girl ;))

wind blow drying my long hair
dressed in the psychedelic colors of spring

rabbits in the grass
munching on the carrots

pigeons flying by
delivering cryptic messages

rhythm of the humming birds
beat of the jogger's heart

warmth of my starbucks green ginger chai
smell of rain kissed leaves

i went topless
admiring the reflection of my enviable youth
in the creek as ripe as the cherry
in a convertible - a car no less!

Remember this?

Flashback: I told you about a certain Southener who sent a few links which I put together for a novel business idea for which he claimed 50% profits.

This Southener called me of all the time in the world on a sunday morning to tell me that he had a dream (nightmare for me) last night. Apparently in the dream he had a calling in which he was instructed by the forces that be to share his "novel" ideas with the world. And this hopeless and jobless Southener who is beyond redemption calls me and asked to make a guest appearance for a few consecutive sundays (of all days!!) on my blog to share them with you all.

Now you may ask why he cannot post it on his own blog. Exactly. That's what I asked him too. He said that having written such similar "torture posts" on his blog, people who were once readers of his blog have now started blocking his blog site unable to bear the chinese torture.

So the misery ridden Southener is on a mission to ensure that my well-read blog and subsequently well- entertained readers meet with the same fate.

Misery Loves company. Never more justified than now! Sigh!

So why am I still allowing such uncouth and blog-destructive behaviour?
Old time's sake. You know. The Southener and I once (pretended to) worked together in a place which made working in Alcatraz prison, which housed the infamous Al Capone, worth looking forward to. And the people we worked with - made working with the likes of Al Capone, a pleasant dream. They had half evolved. So, left together, as the only two sane people, lots of pastries, coffee, conversation and yes, ideas (mostly mine but falsely publicised by him as his own) flowed.

So please read below the Southener's thoughts and feel free to send me an email essaying your personal thoughts (insults) and I shall promptly forward to the Southener's address.

That will wake the Southener from his fantasy!! Like I was woken up from mine, by him, at a criminally early hour on a sunday morning. That rat!

Over to the Southener.

Hi,

I am the Southener and I am honored and privileged to share my thoughts with you below. I thank Lafemmereva for letting me hijack her blog for this noble cause.

Why is it that when we think of an idea the first thing that we visualize is a bulb? Is it the Edison effect? I mean its not just that he is the only one who had an idea right? Newton did, Archimedes did, so why do we not visualize an apple or a bath tub? Ever thought about it?

Ideas have led to many great deeds:

Idea that helped create a multi-million dollar empire:
As a boy he was very weak in academics (nope i am not referring to Tarey zameen par, this is way before anyone knew about learning disabilities). One day the poor soul was sitting in his physics class unable to comprehend what was so great about an apple falling from a tree when the bespectacled moustached physics teacher moved on to a subject called buoyancy with the old tale of Archimedes and how he jumped out of his bath tub baring all and running through the streets shouting "Eureka! Eureka!" to the amusement of all the Greeks. Eureka ............ the little boys bulb lit, nope he still did not understand buoyancy, but used the idea of the person baring it all publicly in a more so called "artistic" way and built a multi million dollar empire out of it. If you still have not guessed the name, its Hugh Hefner of the Playboy fame.

A boss I once worked with used to pretend to be reading status reports in his locked up cabin when all he was doing was ogling at the centre-spread in the PB magazine. And we were "honestly" coding, debugging , testing and sending him the "real" status reports. My boss now has a company of his own, post retirement, in a beach in Hawaii. He sells beach wear from recycled material. I'm guessing those status reports we sent him are being recycled somewhere. I know what inspired him!

There are many more such novel ideas that changed the world, I shall make guest appearances over the next few Sundays and share them with this august audience.

(I actually called Lafemmereva at 5 in the morning this Sunday but she refused to answer the phone. When I tried again the phone was switched off. Finally I reached her around noon which she calls "morning". I shall try again next Sunday ;) )

Toodles! Cya next sunday!

Missing a belated Holi celebration in the afternoon :( Have to pick up a long lost girlfriend from airport. Hopefully no Bhang -Thandai is served !!! :(

Movies, Music and Men - My best sources of entertainment. I like all 3 of them unequivocally in all forms but if I were to prioritize I'm afraid I have to indulge in favoritism for just once and pick movies. Especially the dark ones. If I get a chance to go back to Harry Potter times I would do so just to sit through the Defense of the Dark Arts class. That choice is an outcome of my predisposition to outlets of entertainment which have a philosophical bent or deal with the abysmal depths to which human behavior can plunge.

Ergo, most of my favorite movies are those which depict the manic nature of human psyche like Batman - The Dark Knight, Requiem for a dream, Sin City, Boondock Saints, Fight Club, Shining, Following, American History X, Run Lola Run, Bicycle Thief....

Today in the darkness of the theatre I witnessed one of the darkest movies ever made, effortlessly making it one of my most recent favorites.

Once touted "unfilmable" because of the humongous nature of the novel, Watchmen turned out to be a visual treat and a mental appetizer. It rests its laurels on borrowed adaptation from the comic , which by the way was my least favorite comic in my childhood because of its pronounced emphasis on violence.

It still is a movie that will tick in the minds of many with clockwork precision. And for every cacophonic voice of criticism Watchmen responds in the form of silence, which prevails in the aftermath of the deaths of millions after the final war. The movie had heroes, antiheroes, blue light emitting Manhattan man, Earth and even the Mars. But what makes this movie an emotionally gratifying experience is its almost eerie portrayal of the savage nature of mankind, polarization of allies in war and the unmistakable message that in a war there are no winners - only survivors. And also - violence begets violence.

Rorschach - After the Joker in Batman, Jack Sparrow in Pirates of the Caribbean, Rorschach is my favorite on screen character. The delusional, scarred, freckled psychopath who never compromised till the end.

The downside - Veidt could have been portrayed as a more powerful character. The movie was a tad too long.

Watchman however still has the last laugh.

I was mooching off on a good friend's hospitality in her apartment, filing away the How (NOT) to loose your job series on this blog while sipping the hot masala chai and masala vada she was making, the good samaritan that she is. 2 other friends who were also present in the room asked to read the write- up before I could post them. Having read them they got into a heated discussion.

Female Friend 1 : Men should open the door for the ladies, isn't it?
Male Friend 1 : Why would both of us go to the same restroom?((assumed Friend 1 meant restroom
doors, God knows why)
Female Friend 1 was dumbfounded
Masala Vada and tea making friend collapsed after squeals of laughter.

Darn!! My masala Vada supply is cut!!!

Part 2 is here

Dress to Kill: Looking the part is almost always as important as doing the part for a raise or even to stay where you are. So if all else fails, dress the part. If your aim is to be at home on that couch then begin to dress the part NOW!!!

Wear Boxer shorts/lungi (preferably pink)/sleeveless night gowns (if you are a female),Slippers/Sandals(Unisex -No gender distinction or shoe polish here!). DO NOT Iron your clothes. Go for the out-of-the-bed grunge look. Remember Main Hoon Na!? If you are a female wear jewelry like you are modeling for a jewelry ad. All that sheen and the dazzling brilliance from your jewelry will blind your co-worker's eyes and ruin their concentration thereby causing them to make mistakes. This way along with yourself you can actually ensure many co-workers exit too. After all misery loves company!

DO NOT:

* Comb you hair. Be Natural. If possible Oil your hair with any herbal oil the smell of which can drive even a skunk away. You don't blow dry your hair to be at home do you?The aim is to kill two birds with one stone - Make sure you are sent home and ensure that you start acclimatising yourself to the way you are going to live after your mission of being shown the door out of work is accomplished.

* Use a Deodorant: Go Green. Deodorants are toxic. You are the (meeting minutes document)
shredding-recycling-not-deodorant-wearing types.

* Eat Garlic: An apple a day keeps a doctor away. A garlic a day keeps everyone away ....

* Update your contact info: Unless you want to be contacted about your pension fund deposit
do not update your contact info anywhere. Leave a fake number in
your email signature - for example a cab service.

Co-Worker : Hello, can you tell us how to fix this code?
Cabbie : Where are you right now?
Co-Worker : Im in the 12th line.
Cabbie : Sure sending a cab right away to 12th street

Leave the rest to the mexican cabbie and your co-worker.

And even if by now you have survived all attempts like in a God Of War game and are still gainfully employed, that my dear friend is sure shot sign that recession or not you will be fine because you are a survivor, and a damned determined one at that! Ergo, Your job is for you to keep for Lady Luck is smiling on you and like it or not you are a damned good worker OR you are the BOSS of the company to get away scot free!!

So which one are you?
Me too….A damned good worker :)

Part 1 is here

Let's start with the elevator: If you spot your boss in the elevator DO NOT let it pass. Dance on the chance. Make sure you "accidentally" drop your cup of coffee on his expensive suit.

If you do not have a cup of coffee in your hand then Plan B. Yawn loudly! no ,Growl! and blame it on lack of caffeine, Tell everyone in the lift (ensure your boss hasn't got one of those pesky little Ipod/Zune types on!) how your spouse snore last night was louder than the roar of the spectators in the stands in the match you were catching live on television last night and how you couldn't catch much sleep - because your favorite team lost the match. Look around to ensure your spouse is not in the lift. After all you do need them to financially support you in your domesticated stay-at-home phase. As you get out of the elevator try to step in your boss's way and let him topple. Do not help him to his feet. Stand and laugh - The same way he laughed at that report you submitted to him last week on why you thought you should be given a raise. If he survives this , then get into your office and as your boss tries to make his way through the door beat him to it and slam the door on his face. The bridge in your boss's nose shouldn't be the only thing broken after that. In return your access card will be broken by him. Who cares. Tit for Tat - He thinks! He may have won the battle, But you have just won the war and claimed your kingdom - the couch at home!

If any of the above works, even before you make your way up to your cubicle you will make your way out in the same elevator you came in.

Break Room: Admit it. If you are reading this you are probably the sort who takes work breaks between breakfast/tea/lunch/snack/browsing sessions. So you spend a palpable amount of your office time in the breakroom hanging out with mates and checking out office "hot" property that come in various colors like blondes, brunettes and redheads.

Start hanging out in the breakroom closest to the boss's office. Talk loudly about how you remain glued to your seat in the office all the time only because you are watching videos on Youtube in the office desktop. If Youtube is banned at work, brag about how you almost saw a morning- matinee-evening show in your portable-dvd-player, that you brought to work last week. If you have an arch nemesis at your workplace whom you want to take down with you take his/her name and mention how he/she also enjoyed the movie. Sink or Swim together. You can arbitrarily also blow your trumpet about how you spent the last day of the last quarter not tabling your results but by playing table tennis flash game.

And the boss will ensure that you/arch nemesis spend the rest of your days gaming comfortably at home with your kid or your neighbor's kid. Genius!

Meetings: Where despite high levels of caffeine and words being poured you still doze blissfully.Take lots of food (bananas, groundnuts, yogurt) to all meetings. Tell them you are saving lunch time. Peel the banana , try and aim for the nearest trash can to throw the peel and miss the goal. Peel the skin off the groundnuts and let it fly. Scoop the yogurt with your fingers and lick every last bit of it clean and give everyone in the meeting room a high-five.

My space: The only personal space we seem to be getting these days is probably in Myspace.com. Roomates, long lost Ex-es, Friends, Spouses, Kids are all invading our personal space like those masked men in the movie Watchmen. This is your most valuable asset unless you are Pamela Anderson. Deny them just that. Yes, while talking to your client in a meeting get as close as you can, stare into the eye and spray it! That's right. Don't just say, Let words spray out of your mouth in such a way that it leaves the other party drenched! To top it all off we are famous for our "nods" and hand gestures. Wave your hands in their faces.

Your next stop will be eating the food remnants of your couch for that's where you will be for the rest of your life. If you have kids or a nephew you know what I am talking about w.r.t food on couch. Else , wait till you have one! My nephew almost has a whole lost treasure hidden in my sister's couch. I even once found my sister's platinum chain hung around a rubber tadpole's neck in her couch with some poop-colored-substance hardened on it. The feeling - Priceless. Since I am selective about reality I choose to believe it was chocolate and not poop as it may well could have very possibly been.

Is that pesky little job just not leaving you? Click here for more.

Gentlemen,
Are you tired of waking up every morning with your pet salivating all over you and your girlfriend /wife/mother prodding you to go to work to rake in the moolah like every man from the stone age has been doing? Heck! The stone age man didn't have to dress did he? A few leaves here and there did the trick. Not so much for the nouveau corporate animal, such as you, who has to dress up for the corporate jungle. Tired of sucking it up to your boss for that bog fat promotion or just to keep your job? Sick of long days and all those work calls that make your short nights even shorter? Do you yearn to be a homemaker (house husband may not seem very gentleman-like) or just a domesticated man with the only score to keep up being on a game in your handheld PSP?

Girls,
Sick of having to be domestically accomplished and having to kick-your-boyfriend/husband-out of-bed/dropping kid-off at- playschool/snaking-your-way-through-city-traffic-to-work routine? Does work have no purpose in your life other than to pay bills? Wished you could have a more meaningful existence by being at home with your kid and watching him grow into a man(like the one you married) for another female to go through the same agony as you are going through with the one you married ? Do you wish the only bossing around that happened was you calling the shots and the house maid doing the bidding rather than your boss making you dance to his tunes for the pittance he pays in return? Want to care for your aging parents than some aging archive at work? Do you want to be a homemaker or just a domesticated woman happily scooping your precious's poop or sharing a hot cuppa with your mom in those afternoons before the little devils come back from school?

Nodding in agreement?

BUT...You cannot take the big step of quitting work because economic instability looms large in the air and your nagging spouse/parent/peer pressure won't let you!! Well!! Well!!! Here are some sure-shot-as-hell ways to be given the pink slip. Now is your chance to blame it on recession. Quick, before times get better and it starts raining paychecks and dare I say it - bonuses again!

(If you are a man of questionable orientation you may be given pink slips for various other reasons).

Violations of work etiquette almost always are taken very seriously and there is no escaping the pink slip. And then Freedom to BE!!!!!! Aazadi Dil Ki!! With a pink slip given nothing will now stop your frm leading that life you've always dreaming. Being the King/Queen of the couch and ruling it!!!!

So violate you will and how?!!!!

...Click here to know how - Part 2

Just got back home. Phew!!!

I did no work today and got paid :) Don't go green with envy! You didn't believe that did you!

A friend who needed a ride back home regaled me with a conversation between her and a co-worker.

Friend has recently come back from a vacation in India and had gone to the co-worker's place to give sweets and engaged in small talk. Co-worker is married with a 3 year old kid. Thus floweth the conversation between friend and co-worker.

Co-Worker : I was in the smoking zone today when a very beautiful blonde walked past me. I was hoping and praying she would walk into our office building because I will have my regular dose of eye-candy then. However she walked right past our office into the next one. Sigh!

Friend : But you are married so you shouldn't be checking out chicks anymore.

Co-Worker: If you are on a diet, you are still allowed to check out the menu aren't you ?

:)

Lafemmereva comments : Yes, as long as you are ordering for your wife!!!

The slumdog barks again!

Hey Anoop Desai....Slumdogs get Oscars and talented singers become the coveted Idol!!!!

Bah! Anoop Desai cashing in on Slumdog phenomenon it seems!!!! Will the real American Idol please stand up!!!

Click here to meet the 3 new Super heroes

SH# 1: He is 5'4" tall: This super hero is bespectacled and has a squint. Despite being deprived of physical height this man founded and took an IT behemoth to dizzying heights. And to me he is a super hero not because I make my bread and butter from the IT behemoth he founded but because we all like stories of the guy next door who scaled great walls!

SH# 2: Petite Innings: Too fast, not too furious and not too tall either. Nopes not Schumacher. Our very own "little" model currently at Madame Tussad's - The "Master Blaster" who is a self - confessed car conossieur.

SH# 3: Loreal Shampoo needs a new face? How about our very own ex- excellency who has both beauty and brains, who can ensure SRK foregoes the unique distinction of being the first star in a female oriented commerical (Remember Lux Ad, No? Refresh your memory here).

So no prizes for guessing the first comic book that Straw reads.....

Size doesn't matter unless you are Hulk Hogan /Pamela Anderson!

-- I Think...... Therefore I am.......

Okay, I Revathi Balasubramaniam confess. I have a few bags and shoes.

Don't ask me for numbers. What's in a number these days. Today you might have a few zeroes after a 1 in your bank account. Tomorrow it maybe a few zeroes before 1. So numbers mean nothing unless you are them.

Ask no question - Hear No lie!!! Let's just say I have left no color unturned in the bag or shoe domain :P

If I were to build a house I would have my own (ar) rack room full of my own Pradas, Fendis and LVs.

Now the entrepreneurial voice in me has always been whetted by many well-meaning (comparably shoeless and bagless) friends who have urged me to exercise caution in these difficult times.

So, capital may be scarce but vision never is. Here I come up with a brilliant proposal thanks to a few links that came into my inbox from a certain Southerner who is seeking 50% of the profits that I make from this business venture. Bah! Like I couldn't have thought of it myself!!

Read this and that..

So putting this and that voila!!! One (Read ME) can actually move to Maple Land, if Uncle Sam shows the door, and setup shop. I can actually rent out my bags/shoes, which are clamoring for space in my house, for a nominal amount to other damsels (Discount if you just need one well heeled shoe to gently tap your significant other) and from the profit I make I can re-invest in newer assets (shoes and bags for myself) to be added to the business (after they make a debut on me of course!!!)

I am also willing to barter with fellow maple-ians if they are willing to loan me the latest Ipod Talking shuffle in exhange-loan for my goods.

So it is really a very well sustaining business utilises the concept of putting your assets (bags and shoes only!! Mental Images of any other asset is a sign of a perverted mind!) to use and parallely ensuring a constant inflow of more assets (again bags and shoes).

I am an enlightened sole!!! Maybe thats what Ill call my businesswebsite where I put my goodies for sale www.lafemme-enlightened-sole.com. I rock and am awesome!

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