Homecoming Series #2 - Wheels in motion, Mission Half accomplished!  

Posted by lafemmereva in ,

Part 1 of this series is here.
Okay, next time I should fly first class and never book an aisle seat. Like every 5 minutes I had to lift my legs up and hold it that way to make way for the kid in the window seat and the girl in the middle seat. Like I was in labour and the baby was going to come out any moment or something!! Several such exercises and 2 plates of cutlets later I was bored. Boredom, after all, knows no season right? Soon ...

Girl in Middle Seat (GIMS) : Hi, sorry to bother you everytime I need to head out.
Me: Oh, Not a problem! (I didn't want to risk keeping you away from
the restroom! I can't even open the windows!!)

GIMS : I hate this food, Its really bad (Parallely wiping out the food
plate!) So bad, So bad (Requests another plate and finishes that
too!!). I just hate flying.

If at that moment Angelina Jolie or Madonna had seen her they would have been rest assured she was an overgrown starving kid from malawi or some such nation suffering from oedema(water retention which causes swollen limbs) and adopted her. Me thinks next time, she should take the submarine. The sea lions will have a good meal atleast!!!

I go back to the Sophie Kinsella that I was reading and suddenly feel a tap on my hand. It's the kid in the window seat who looks like Harry Potter trapped in Calvin's Body. Let's call him Calvin Kumar.

Calvin: I am scared.
Me : (So am I! I mean what if GIMS throws up all the food she has had, maybe we
would all drown in mid air and it would rain cutlets on earth !!!
Pretending not to be
scared and not looking from the book in hand) Why?
Calvin: There is a plane next to ours and its making a loud noise. I think its going to hit us.
Me : (WTF, Yes, I can hear it too. No! I am scared, Captain, Make a lane change!!! Don't
I'm sure its just a mechanical glitch. Dont worry!

After some moments of peace and quietude. A loud roar like a tuning fork of infinite amplitude that was held captive by Stephen hawking in a physics lab was just let loose and is roaring and running out of the physics lab singing "Jai Ho" , "Jai Ho".

I tried to reach for my first Lifeline. As I was about to call the flight attendant I accidentally held the hand of GIMS. And the sound stopped. I let go of her hand and then the roar started.

GIMS was the roaring tuning fork. GIMS's snore was the "other" plane that Calvin heard.

Sheepishly Calvin and I go off to sleep. And then I had them, nightmares. Visions of me landing at the Chennai Airport.

Nightmare sequence - I land at the Chennai Airport. A hot wind blows across my face. There is a huge gathering. Probable to meet me . I sweat profusely. I have no makeup. No shades even to hide those tired eyes. A sudden lightness descends on my being. I am officially broke. Zilch. Nothing. I also realise that the crowd is there not for me but to see the Slumdog millionaire shooting. I could hear Anil Kapoor asking Jamal.....
AK: "
And for the question that will win you 50,000 rupees What did Reva and Raju (Satyam) have in
common? "
Jamaal: "Nothing".
AK : "Are you sure?"

Jamaal: Confident.
AK : Apple MAC ji please lock the answer...And that is the correct answer!!!!!!

I was suddenly jolted by another loud roar. No, we were really taxying in London. It was a nightmare after all. Phew!! I hadn't even reached London, let alone Chennai. I still had hope. Desperate times will call for desperate measures. Half the ordeal was over. The last leg of the journey remained. With all these thoughts filling my head I stepped on the London Ground. In all the events that had filled the day through all the time zones there was another small event that went unnoticed.

I had also completed a quarter of a century on Planet earth. I was 25. It was October 18th, 2008. Happy birthday me! :)

The remaning journey to be continued in upcoming posts.....Stay tuned! I will be back after a commercial break.
Pigeons dance to Masakalli song and say in chorus " We make distances shorter. Have message , will deliver."

Homecoming Series #1 - Fasten your seat belts  

Posted by lafemmereva in ,

End of 2008, Almost. I had officially dated two equally harsh summers and winters. Home was becoming a distant memory and my hand ached to ring my home's calling bell. I had had enough of calling cards. 2 years ago I had left my homeland crossing seven seas, to live the American dream and more often than not it was harsh reality that had awakened me.

On the day of my flight I woke up in a friend's place elated and delirious in equal measures at the prospect of finally going home. It was my birth month and I was flying out on my birthday, year of 2008 to my home, sweet home.

Like the Tata Indica advertisement that proudly claimed "We carry our world with us" I had in my entourage a token of gift for every special person back home. Something that didn't go well with the airline that was flying me, They probably thought less was the new more. So, very valuable items were offloaded ( Ferrero Rocher, Godiva chocolates, Yes!! That airline should be sued but I must say they have very handsome flight attendants and VERY tasty cutlets!!) on a very considerate friend who had come to see me off!

Several security checks and beeps later I eagerly boarded my flight to be told "Welcome aboard , You have no seat!!!!!" #%$&*%@#$%^ (The flight was apparently overbooked and I had to be on standby until a no-show of any of the passengers guaranteed my seat in the flight!)

All the color drained from my face. If I were to be rescheduled on a different flight I would have no cutlets.

"Aha Moment" Definition - You are in college. You are not a character in "Jaane tu ya Jaane Na" because in that movie parents are called Peachy and Pumpkin and they "hang out with their kids" You are in Mohabbatein. In Shankar Narayan's school. You can sing any number of songs. Your teacher (like SRK) can hang out with ghosts!! . You flunk in some Moral Science exam in that school and you are grounded for that.

Your Dad comes down hard on you. He goes out of town on work and you have the whole house to yourself. He is not expected until the next morning. You have a lab test to battle where you have to create a clone of Aishwarya's ghost in the movie so that SRK and Amitabh can have an arm candy but you choose to party because lab tests are for rats. And you care a rat's a#@. Your dad feels guilty and comes back early to take you out to a movie that night for after all you still managed to pass. You open the door in an inebriated state (song in the background " Its the final countdown") . You wish you could vanish into thin air like a Ghost. Aha Moment - AM is defined thus.

Last boarding call for Flight# xyx. Scene cut to me waiting at the boarding gate - My stomach staging a mutiny I reach out to my wallet to wet my throat with coffee from Caribou when reality struck on me like lightning threatening to leave a scar like the one on Mikhail Gorbachev's head.

I have my first "Aha" Moment ".AM# 1 - I had left my money and my card in a hurry with my "considerate" friend who had come to give me a ride. All I had was Washington facing me from a green back which said 10$. 400Rs. 7 Euros. The cost of 2 movie tickets and a popcorn, The cost of a hair cut in any India Metro's swanky salon. The cost of 3 cappuccinos. That's all the dough I had 10$ for 36hrs- with which I could buy 3 cappuccinos.

All I needed was a little credit.

Then I heard those words I had been waiting for "You may now board the flight". My pennilessness soon forgotten in the inviting aroma of the cutlets I made my way to my seat , said a little prayer, for the pressurised metal tube that I was making my way into would take me as close to God than I have ever been, in just a few minutes.

5,4,3,2,1 ........Yipeee...I was airborne. A quick text to thank the friend for the ride and a quicker glance at the cutlet trays brought home the reality. Mama, I was coming home!!!!......

Part 2 is here

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Homecoming Series #2 - Wheels in motion, Mission Half accomplished!

To be or not to be ......  

Posted by lafemmereva in

Excited? About.....ARR bagging the Oscars? I couldn't be more happier for him and us. But maybe just maybe if Hollywood movie makers and the supporting professionals in the business competed annually for an award that the Indian film fraternity gave away I would be a tad more proud!

Either way pride comes in a different form but its like the difference between participating in a swayamvaram and being chosen and having a swayamvaram and choosing.....

Taken ..."Away"  

Posted by lafemmereva in ,

We all react to catastrophic incidents differently. I respond to it by risking to go through it again hoping this time I'll strike gold.

And I did just that! After suffering from a major friday night "Delhi 6" hangover "Taken" was like the next morning cold shower + coffee - hangover cure. Liam Neeson is like a one-man army winning the Kurukshetra in Mahabarata leaving behind a trail of bodies which when lined are still not longer than the long legs of the women for sale in the movie!

Okay... I am a chemical Engineer ,er...atleast on paper and I always learned and believed that you need to drill through layers of rocks to get to the crude oil. Maybe it is beneath all those hard rocks that oil and diamonds lie.If you were at a sale like me last evening you would know the high that you get when you dig deep into a box of sale items and find those perfect pair of Kenneth Cole peep toes right at the bottom where no one would dare put their hand!

Maybe you just need to watch a "Delhi 6" to bring out the "Kaala Bandar" in you which goads you to brave the cold weather and hit the cinemas again in the hope of winning gold. Hope after all is the expectation of good things to come. What I saw last night was pure plain old edge of seat kind of "makes me wanna say wow" kind of action that the likes of Tokyo Drift and Bourne Series are made of.

I was Taken " away" after watching the movie "Taken" for it struck a personal chord in me. For it was a movie which told the world that a man gives much more than 23 xx chromosomes on one fateful night for his Baby girl.

It may take a man to make a man but it takes much more than a man to make a woman. It takes a man who will put up with his daughter's first crush, first love, zits before the prom, first breakup, marriage, first fling, tears, disappointment, heartache, pre - partum depression, post - partum depression, just plain old depression et al.

I have been asked by many close friends multiple times how despite spending a quarter of a century on planet earth I still choose to claim that there is only one man in this world that I claim to be my kindred soul especially when he is also the most difficult to live with.

Most of life's best mysteries were never solved and we all live our lives in search of answers. Maybe I derive my strength from being just that - My dad's daughter. Maybe that is enough to validate my being. Maybe, just maybe I see myself in him. I believe he gave me more than 23 xx chromosomes of himself. To me he gave much more - A rare gene pool that I will so obstinately carry for eternity, and still gives.

That's why Father- Daughter movies mean so much to me. They remind me of the man in my life who once ran 4 miles in the night behind a speeding bus in Singapore when he realised his daughter was left behind in the bus mistakenly - A man who took his daughter across state boundaries to watch a Rajini (A superstar in Kollywood) movie just so she could get to see her favorite hero in action in 35mm because of her love for cinema (Movies, Music (& Men) are my congenital necessities) - A man who still writes mails to his daughter across the atlantic every single day through breakups, bad hair days, monday morning blues and friday night fevers amongst many other "days".

If you are a daddy's girl be prepared to remain glued to your seat while watching this flick. You are warned - Kleenex and lots of money in your phone to call your dad are needed after the movie.

Thanking me for movie reviews for helping save money on movie tickets to worthy/worthless movies is one thing but expecting me to provide links to watch them online is like expecting Abhishek Bachhan to win an Oscar for "Delhi 6".

Related Posts: Mrs. Daddy! Come with your wand

Fashion Victim!  

Posted by lafemmereva in

Sigh!! Beauty is skin and 3 inches of snow deep!! Have to drive 30 miles through snow to a Kenneth Cole sale! :( (Not that I am complaining :P)

The effort better be worth the goodies up for grabs!

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Bean there - Done That?  

Posted by lafemmereva in

If your day (like mine) begins with starting your car, jumping yellow lights to rush to the nearest StarBucks drive - through to hand your plastic to the guy at the counter for the enormous high that percolates through your system when you see the percolator brewing the black creative juice that jump starts you for the rest of the day - READ ON!!!

If I ever had twins I would call them Cream and Sugar! I would even maybe hold my coffee cup a little dearer than my Prada tote. Wouldn't you???

Okay. I once asked a co-passenger in a metro in New York if I could get a swig out of his coffee cup. He relented, I took a swig and woke up in time to get off at Howard Beach to catch my flight back to Denver. So what? I don't have caffeine issues.I have issues without it.

You want me to switch to Decaf? How about substituting grape juice for Dr.Pepper?

And so when I read about Starbuck's latest move to introduce instant coffee Read This I was dehydrated and my pupils dilated.

Some things are worth paying a premium. Close your eyes and think of that dreadful exam you claimed to breeze through (Just passed) by staying up all night (drinking coffee of course) perusing the question papers of maybe the last 10 years in an attempt to get repeat questions in the next day's exam because you just spent the last year at college checking out chicks/hunks or cozying up with friends lounging around in a Barista or a Cafe Coffee Day watching the smiley or some such latte art made on your coffee cup made by your barista.

And if you are a guy who graduated from a college in India how many evenings have you spent on a bench in a shop outside of college sharing one cup of Rs.2/- coffee with a bare minimum of 3 friends!!!

How about all those Karan Johars and Anu Hassans who use Kofi for TRP ratings!

Okay now open you eyes. (If you had dozed off while thinking of all those good times, Good Morning. Need some coffee? )

Did all that happen over a cup of INSTANT coffee? Nada!!!

Living in a fast food world whose inhabitants seek instant gratification like Instant manicures, Instant pedicures, Instant facials, Instant noodles I espouse and champion the cause of delayed gratification. I DO NOT LIKE MY COFFEE INSTANT. Yes, my coffee bills are more than my phone bills ? So...???

It is a warm day today and I am dehydrated, My percolator is calling !

She sells sea shells on the sea shore!  

Posted by lafemmereva in ,

Like all things present that become retro in 5 years so will the above tongue twister

Fast forward 5 years down the lane. Hopefully I am on the other side of the Atlantic atleast by then. If I asked Straw, my nephew, for a tongue twister he would probably say "Delhi 6 sucks, Delhi 6 sucks!" And if I ever made him watch the movie he would probably ask me why all bedtime stories were cramped into one movie....Delhi 6 is just that -- Too many stories and an ending that Bruce Almighty already gave us visually!

I always knew man never evolved. Watching Delhi 6 confirmed it. Apparently Charles Darwin's theory left some of the species untouched- The Monkey man and the Burger species.

Watching the movie for the first hour makes you want to text the director and ask him "Dude, where's the film going, or is it going anywhere at all!!!" Meandering through several plots and roads in which cows stop traffic by giving birth the camera romances with the streets of Delhi and makes you feel almost as good as you did when you saw your first love after your first summer vacation way back in your Grad School. The "Aha " Navaratna Oil "Cool Cool" Feeling!

Breathtaking music and cinematography makes Delhi 6 an eye candy - still a mind sore!

The usage of Ram Leela to metaphorically depict the events in the film is as innovative as old movies showing flowers and legs crossing on screen while babies were being made!

Mirror mirror on the wall whom do we see in ever movie and all? Amitabh Bhachhan !!!!! If you pay for the son does the dad come as a part of the package? Amitabhji -May Bruce Almighty save you from climaxes!!!!

Sonam - True to her name shines like gold through the movie !!!

Maybe the yankee in me that's been growing for the last 2 odd years just couldn't take the slaughter of the twang in AB's diction as an NRI and just wanted to take that loose brick in the wall that the wives of the house in the movie used to gossip, and tap the film maker's head for luring me to go all the way on icy roads and chilly winter to watch it in a movieplex!!! There were no indian snacks in the hall and the jalebis sold for a dozen a dime in the movie didn't help the cause either :(

Reva's verdict on Delhi Che (6) - Chae Chae!!!!

The story so far.....  

Posted by lafemmereva in

A lot has changed since I last wrote.

Nadal laughed. Federer cried.

McCain couldn't while Obama said "You can".

And the Khans proved they can. Shah Rukh Khan made a movie about a man who attempts to steal his wife from his alter ego Raj by making her see God in him (Psst...I was literally and geographically sleepless in Seattle after watching the movie). The Atheistic English buses in UK buses took to streets screaming "There is probably no god"! Read This!

Not to be outdone is the other Khan who remade a hindi movie from a Tamil movie which was remade from an English movie. In the end all that was really made was a lot of millions.

When all of them went laughing to the bank they all stashed their money in, they found that it no longer existed. While Ghajini was suffering from short term memory loss all finance and software professionals were wishing they could suffer from the same and regain it after all the meltdown was over. Economies Collapsed, Debts formed. Millionaires became slumdogs, Slumdogs became millionaires.

While Bollywood swelled with pride Mumbaikar's limbs swelled in pain. Taj no longer reminded people of hot chai. Oberoi was no longer the last name of the ex-boyfriend of an ex- Miss World.

Mrs. O beat Sarah Palin for the maximum number of hits on Internet.

So did 1-800-BREAK-UP.org as yet another valentines day came and went .This valentine's recession trumped love when couples decided that love too needed to be laid off from our lives in these difficult times. Hallmark, florists and chocolate factories fought back valiantly. "Buy 2 for the price of 1". "Go double this valentines for the price of one". 1 is now the new 2.
Divorces are few for fear of lesser alimony. The once sought after finance and software professional men have had to re-asses their worth in the job and matrimony market. Singleness has made a brief comeback.

Sania Mirza and Mahesh Bhupathi gave India a grand slam. Ramalinga Raju gave India its Enron.

On a personal front I am glad 2008 is over. I completed a quarter of a century on planet earth last year. I had a truly international birthday choosing to fly out of US to my homeland after close to 2 years on the day. More on that later.

Straw (My nephew) has turned older by a year 1 and has a new tooth. I have turned older by a year too and have lost one tooth!

I rediscovered old friends but had to let go of some new ones. Sigh! Its a small world! Someday, Sometime our paths shall cross.

I bid goodbye to the last year and welcomed the new one while vacationing in the East coast and the South.

The snow has started melting and the wintry chill is giving way to the warm Sunshine which is beginning to fill the bodies and hearts of Humans! To good Times!

I Think...... Therefore I am.......