I am the girl your Mom warned you about!  

Posted by lafemmereva in , , , ,

Yes! Me! Stay away from me! I am/was the girl you love to hate and the girl your parents hate to love! I am/was the nerdy, geeky first bencher who takes all notes diligently*(see footnote) , sits in the first bench runs after the professor after a class for references to additional reading material(really for those additional internal marks ;)

I was an Arrears Virgin(Don't read that as A Rear Virgin!!! Phew!! You perverted people. Such blasphemous thoughts!See footnote "Pssst" of * ), Never failed a single exam from Kindergarten! Never knew what it felt like!! My not so virgin friends have called it a harrowing experience**(Footnote)....Failing in exams and accumulating arrears. So I always wanted to play it safe and cleared every exam a.k.a Hermione of the H potter fame.

So it came as a bolt from the blue to me that after 18 years of schooling ( LKG/UKG/Class 1 to 12 and 4 yrs of B.Eing ) that I flunked in one of the exams that was made mandatory at my workplace for career advancement.

I thought I had already hit rock bottom when I was told the exam was mandatory but failing it was like throwing me a shovel to dig more into the bottomless pit I was already in! I plunged into the depths of despair with no hope or redemption , the only light at the end of the tunnel being that I was allowed a second attempt at cracking it or at making an utter fool of myself all over again.

Now is when I introduce you to Sly Fox (No , that's not his real name but that's what I'll call him for the remaining of my blogging days whenever I conveniently need to use him or his writings! :D)

So my dear readers , Meet Sly. Sly , Meet the Readers.

More about Sly in a separate Post. Ladies! that's a Post you want to come back to my blog for ....This is really a very cheap trick to increase the visits to my blog! :P You would have fallen for it if I hadn't told you so. So one point to me for revealing the cheat code.

Pt Summary :

Moi: 1
You : 0

Speaking of cheat codes I still haven't found a game that fascinates me as much as God of the wars does! Are they coming out with any new releases? Need to check. For those of you who haven't played the game ! Et tu Brutus! You are a disgrace to the fellowship of couch potatoes.Get yourself a console and a controller and game on! God of war. All work and no play made Jack a dead man and Jill a wealthy widow.

So scene cut back to me the damsel in distress in the depths of despair. I burn the midnight oil(It was my turn to pay the electricity bill and I was banking on spiderman to bail me out since I was going from broke to broken) Spidey was the one who said" With great power comes great responsibility.....and greater electricity bills" :P. Spidey was apparently busy watching Mary Jane in her latest play in Pattaya, Thailand. A lil birdie tells me Mary Jane is now in the much famed Alcazar show and is also a part of the Cirque de Soleil troupe which does awesome shows like Zumanity in Vegas. Kidding! :) But do make it a point to go to the Zumanity show in Vegas if you do get there. And hey! what happens in Vegas stays in Vegas.)

I now realise the midnight oil has been burning for a long time so with the oil prices sky rocketing and Saddam Uncle no longer around to discover more wells in the Iraqi land and to cut a long story short I slogged my proverbial booty off and the Dday arrived. Self doubt plagued me like it did Surat years ago and the dire consequences of flunking again loomed over me like the Damocles sword. Sweaty palms, Weeks of unmanicured nails , Un-conditioned hair all owing to time spent on prepping had taken a toll on me and I was irredeemable depressed. I call Sly at 4 in the morning and tell him of my predicament.

Ever the one with a panacea to all plagues he wrote me this which Ill treasure for a lifetime and if this ever gets lucky to be published even rake in the moolah and spare him a dime or two despite no IPR filed by him! :)

This is what he wrote to me:

Are there moments in your life when you feel down? When the whole world seem to be in your face and trying to put you down? Friends not being your friends? Family driving you wild? Work pressure getting to you? Your diet not working? Putting on extra centimeters? Gas prices going up? Not able to bring world peace? Lingerie going lifeless after just 4 months? What do you do? Give up? No!! What you should do, is to suck it all up, hold your tummy in, walk over to your PC or laptop, log into your Bank account and deposit money into this account
***************. (Last Name Fox Fname Sly)

And then see how things change! Those extra centimeters disappear! Gas prices become affordable! Work will seem like a pleasant dream! Friends will start being your friends! Family will become sane again! The whole world will sing your tune and your lingerie will make you feel super sexy! *conditions apply :). As you can see I have made no mention of World Peace! That's what Beauty Queens are for. And Even after 50 years, if Beauty Queens can't solve the problem, How can SlyInc. solve it? :D

So Feel free to deposit money into this account whenever you feel like
Other Occasions in which you can deposit include b'days, trips, anniversaries, get-together's, parties or any feel good moments including when eating chocolate cake !! ..also there is no upper limit on deposits!!

All Deposits accepted with big smile on face! No Deposit refused or rejected! Deposit Now! All Deposits go towards improving Version 10.0 as well as base versions. All deposits will be given a virtual "receipt" .. 1 or more receipts of values more than 500$ can be redeemed for a peck on cheek!! :D :-*

And the bdays, annivs's, parties need not be mine or hosted by me :D So if you are looking for almost instant gratification, you now know what to do! Spread the word.. See what others have to say about this deposit service.

Tom (from Arkansas ) : " I deposited 1000$ into the a/c and all my troubles dissapeared"
Dick (from Kansas) : " I deposited 1500$ and I won the lottery the next day!!"
Harry (from Alabama) : " I deposited 2000$ and i found true love!"

See how the Direct Deposit (DD ) worked for Tom, Dick & Harry! It can work for you too! So don't waste time! Do it now! And as part of this special offer All DD's of 500$ and more made in the next 72 hours get a one hour evening session at DD free!!

*conditions apply

* In reality I am really a cute dumb lass(And available too!!!, So go to the nearest Ganga Department Store get that Axe Deo , spray it on, Withdraw your last month;s salary from the ATM and take me out! :) Kidding!
Pssst.....Dad is also reading this blog! Maybe potential future dates too so! So ahem! Ahem! I'm strictly Unavailable :) ) fooling you into believing I am all that I am claiming to be.

**Yeha Amigos! Girls can crack crude and off color jokes too! Its my blog remember! My rules! Its either my way or highway. No patronising about how the woman of today are no longer coy and demure and no longer do your bidding!

P.S. Hoooooooorayyyy!!!!I cleared the exam!!!! By all standards with Distinction! Summa Cum Laude!

"Fluidity" of thoughts!  

Posted by lafemmereva in ,

"Red River" incessantly flowing
Time never slowing
O Boy! the "wrong" position of the month again
Anemia, Cramps, Mood Swings, Low BP, Weight Gain
If my "runs" were an alternative fuel
The world will stop engaging in an energy duel

Yelling at people for things that on "other" days seem hardly a reason
Gender change seems tempting even if it tantamounts to treason
God is a Man I know, Because I am a woman
If reincarnation were a part of your Plan
Oh Good Lord! Let me come back as a Man!