Good Night - I am sleeping on the couch!  

Posted by lafemmereva in , ,

I had seen almost all movies worthy of being watched so I decided to stay in and watch my favorite TV shows while cuddled on the couch in my pajamas with my favorite date - Hagen Dazs.

The doorbell rings and she rushed in her saturday night best. She hadn't called on me in a long time and thankfully that didn't stop her from calling on me in her hour of distress.

Looking every inch the chic girl I knew her to be, my friend walked in to narrate a woeful tale of how she went out to a movie with a friend whose husband tagged along as well. What was planned to be a girl's night out turned out to be a nightmare for this friend. The couple apparently cooed and canoodled while my friend was left feeling terrible for the lack of similar attention. Half way through she left the movie and headed straight to meet me and ask - Was she suffering from the disease of being single?

A lot of what I say is what a friend of mine told me a very long time ago when I went to him while being in a similar quandary myself. Very long ago on a friday night I was stood up by all my friends who were cozying up with their significant others leaving me to brave the night alone on my couch. Just me and Hagen Dazs. Being new to this country and being single was a double whammy. So I called a friend of 9 years - Let's call him Mr. Lafayette, whom I thank for being my sounding board on several occasions till date, instilling in me a strong sense of direction.

At the risk of stating the obvious I say it - Couplehood is the most trendy label. Society and hormones enforce it's necessity and subsequent popularity. I dare not disagree. You always have someone to wake up to, talk to, do things with, someone to buy you gifts on your birthday someone to make you feel like a million bucks!

So the million dollar question - why are some of us still single?

It's not because someone left us or vice versa. No we are not dorks, nerds, geeks or social recluses. We are not too picky or foolishly eternally in wait for "The One" to come along. It could be all that too, but in a large majority of cases it is a self made choice.

Being single doesn't make sense as a conscious choice because of its popular association with leading a miserable life ALONE! It is looked at widely only as a transitory phase - a sort of lean period before couplehood rules the roost, again!

Singlehood is truly just that - a transitory phase. Nobody dies an old maid. Not even if you a serial casanova or a resident of the land of commitment phobia. Every single crosses over to the other side of the fence eventually.

Being single, for lack of a better word, can suck. Putting yourself out in the dating scene every friday night can seem a daunting task to many. A huge slap on the face of self esteem but we need to remind ourselves of the principle that got us all through college- To get an admit you need to apply! The best part is you meet some good eggs, some bad ones but for the most part you do meet a lot of bright minds.

Do you know that my best investment is not in Prada, Fendi or Burberry. Its my investment in self improvement. I am a good cook, I manage my finances, I get to spend my money without having anyone to tell me how. I have the time to prep for a marathon, to be with my friend's pets, to visit parents more often, to travel extensively across the country, rediscover old friends and new cultures.

If you have been or are newly single invest all of your time in learning to love and care about that one person who can satisfy all your needs - Yourself. This way you are reducing your sure shot as hell encounter with an overdose of disappointment when your dream of finding the one to fill the void within your soul is unrealized. It is a void that only we can truly fill ourselves. Having a significant other hardly bolsters your stability. If anything it brings with it an extra person , an extra baggage. You need the"other" to complement you. Not fill you.
Foolishly hoping the partner to fill in the gaps results in endless resentment - a vicious state which entails unnecessary extra marital ventures spelling the marital doom.

Like the proverbial dark cloud having a silver lining there are a zillion pros to being single. Discover them through your personal journey. Example?
If you are a girl you can shop all you want and don't have to hide your stuff in the closet and pretend to have had it since ages. And if you are a guy you can do with her not having to borrow your razor for quick "silky smooth legs".

Celebrate being single. Remember that's what the soap Sex and the city showed us! Before you have that unsettling feeling that I am suggesting you romp around your city with no tag of commitment involved, you are wrong. Nor am I suggesting that you all live vicariously through Charlotte/Miranda/Carrie/Samantha. I am urging you all to make your discoveries, learn your own lessons. Become a better you! Trust me relationships are high maintenance and time consuming. Use all the time you have at hand NOW! Love happens when you least expect it to!

So tell yourself - Come date night, will party! Sure you could get stood up or end up feeling left out at times when your friends liplock. That's when girlfriends/guyfriends come to the rescue. Like I went to my friend's today and like my friend came to mine in the distant past!

And for those nights in get a good couch and a pair of running shoes. Hagen Dazs fat free version is still a good 280 calories that you need to burn the next morning!!!

P.S. #1 Friend just drove away , a couple of hours and scoops of double fudge sundaes later, feeling much better, promising to call on me more often:) She is sure she will not die an "Old Maid" now!
P.S. #2 Lafayette asks to be described a a guy who has the bod of a greek god! His email will be made available upon request.

Related Posts:
Open letter to my one and only mallu chekkan
To my Tam Brahm GF'S 'agonosing' aunts

This entry was posted on Saturday, March 28, 2009 at Saturday, March 28, 2009 and is filed under , , . You can follow any responses to this entry through the comments feed .


intriguing must say,, being single is a bliss if u really can see thru it.. ppl crib but they dont realize what they are callin upon themselves actually..

March 29, 2009

Nice article and the emphasis on self-improvement! The need to be a better human being is prime, whether u have a partner or u r single.

But so saddening to read this "You always have someone to wake up to, talk to, do things with, someone to buy YOU gifts on YOUR birthday someone to make YOU feel like a million bucks!" that sound like it is always about YOU but quote later in the blog that "relationships are high maintenance and time consuming". "For which individual involved in the relationship does it become high maintenance and time consuming?" is 1 qn I have ringing in my mind!

March 29, 2009

Nice one.
We are single coz ...
1. Not many people deserve us :)
2. And we dont compromise so easily.
3. And we like to eat all our icecream and not share :D
4. We hate someone waking us up in the middle of the night for some romantic talk..bah! :P
5. We believe in "Single and ready to mingle" as compared to "Double is always trouble" :)

March 29, 2009

Being single or double is just a phase like everything else in life. It can be good at times and have some bad patches now and then...just like every other phase...Life goes on....


March 29, 2009

Why does it have to be about being single or not! Be yourself, no matter what! 'Self improvement' is an ongoing process, and has nothing much to do with singlehood :)
This blog kinda sounds like 'the grapes are sour' story!
Enjoy every phase of your life, be it alone or with your man....they offer completely different experiences!

March 30, 2009

Sourima - well said!

March 30, 2009

smooth operator ... :) ah, what can I say..Love comes at a cost :) Thanks for reading, I am honored!

March 30, 2009

chitti- :D

March 30, 2009

chitti : 3. And we like to eat all our icecream and not share :D


March 30, 2009

@sweths - Being single, for lack of a better word, can suck/Love happens when you least expect it to!

Sound like Sour grapes to you? Me thinks its a sincere admission to a thought quite the contrary! :)

March 30, 2009

Lipstick - Yes!!! Yes!! Yes!!! :)

March 30, 2009

Revu - U've been writing so well, so consistently!! And all these months I never even knew!! Still waters run deep! I knew you spoke well and now I know you can write with equal eloquence!!!

March 30, 2009

Smita - Danke!!! :) Subscribe to the email feed in the blog babes, You don't have to check back everytime ...(I perceive laziness as a very endearing trait that we share, that also made us bond better!! :P )

March 30, 2009

"And if you are a guy you can do with her not having to borrow your razor for quick "silky smooth legs"." LOL!!! :D

Being single in a largely 'coupled' group can be quite painful. But, one always ends up being the agony aunt! :)

Nice article! :)

April 09, 2009

Oh.. yw! And thanx for commenting back. Some bloggers rarely do! I dont see that you are a new blogger checking back repeatedly for comments. But still, a good habit :)

April 18, 2009

:) I try my best to keep the conversation going while I can!!! pleasure is a 2 way street!

April 18, 2009

After a year of marriage I did get some time for myself, actually a was like I was experiencing bachelorhood after wedlock and believe me it was such a relief to be all by myself once again...I had nobody to think about except myself, no cooking n cleaning up, no complaints, no fighting for bathroom...Ah what a time it was...being single can be such'll know its value more when you get enjoy ur bachelorhood as long as u can...

April 19, 2009

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