Back to the Future!  

Posted by lafemmereva in

Who are you?
Not Spiderman, Not his Peter Chaacha either. I am Lafemmereva.

He, He! But with great power comes great responsibility no? Forgotten your responsibility to slog?

Yeah! Social Service + Blog = Slog. Entertaining public is social service no?
Oh! Like that! Was a bit confused. You suddenly started sounding like my boss. Slogging and all. Yeah. With great power comes big electricity bills too! Unless you can rig the meter.

Yeah! where is lafemmereva these days?
Pulling through and getting pushed.

Birdie told me she last saw you in some pub with ahem! some females. So is it all true.
Yeah. Its true.

Did you hear the cracking of hearts of all eligible men that you have been accused of leading on?
Bah! Nothing like that. Girlfriend was leaving for India for good. So farewell party and all in some swanky club. Me will never crossover!

I also heard your neighbors moved out.
Yeah, victims of recession.

No, the ones that stay across your bedroom window.
Oh them, that couple? Yeah. Last week I was sitting in front of my comp, wearing a Tube top, pinging the girls to get ready to go for the above said party and the lady in the balcony could see just the shoulders with the laptop covering all below. She assumed I was in my naked birthday suit and immediately evacuated her house 911 style. Haven't seen her since.

2 new Indian men in that house now. One wears baniyan with holes. Another is a paan eating bong - like the ones on Howrah trains. Always eating paan and spitting red rain on the head of the latino chick who lives below. I'm sure she is saving a lot on her hair dye. Awesome streaks, I must say!

How’s life otherwise?
Nature is having PMS here. Tornado, heat, rain, hail all in a day's work! Terrible mood swings.

How’s work?
It is there. Lots and Lots and Lots of it. So thankfully I am there too. Lost and Lots in it. Hence the delay in all posts and comments.

Personal updates?
Discovered the answer to 2 profound questions.

The questions being?
1. When do boys become men?
2. Can a few women live in the same house?

How did you find the answer?
1. Straw (my 1.5 year old nephew) no longer poops all over the house. When he wants to do the .....he gets up goes behind a closed door, does "it" and then wails for his mom to come and clean the ....
He now seeks his own "space" while pooping. That's when boys become men. When they seek "space" . Also, that's their idea of toilet training. Getting someone to clean their sh*t. That's the first corporate lesson they learn too.

2. Yes. Women can live in the same house in Ekta Kapoor serials. Exchanging cold stares like America and Russia do at times.
Else, they cannot even live in the same zip code.

So from when you last wrote we now have a new government and a new cabinet.
Yes with the government easier to form than the cabinet.

So tell us what happened at the party?
2 girlfriends (GF 1 & GF 2), one of their fiancé’s (GF 1's) nd I go to the heppest pub in town. Great music, ambience and decent crowd.

L.Reva gets a coke of the "diet" variety and the remaining two femme fatales head to the bar stand to grab "Screwdrivers". GF 1 & 2 are the party going types. Fiance is a smart and fashionable guy albeit a bit introverted but fun nevertheless from close quarters.

Girlfriend 1's fiancée gets water of the "Aquafina" variety.

Girlfriend gives him a "U curd rice eating socially reclusive, fit for being a screwed up driver fiancée" look at him. (Fiancé is the designated driver for the evening!)

He returns a "I am a sensible man who is drinking what a designated driver is supposed to. Let's get back home and I’ll show you how a driver can screw" look at her.

Fiancé seated next to me and we both talk about how "Hot springs" in Yellowstone National Park are a tad better than the Hot Springs in Manikaran in India. He and I are similar types.
Totally out of place. All talk no action ;)

2 Indian guys in the table next to us.

Guy 1: Machchan, that Indian babe (Girlfriend 1) is awesome.
Guy 2: Yeah . But but I think that guy in the table is her fiancé
Guy 1: No, He's her fiancé (gesturing to me). See how they are both seated at the table
chatting so happily. Those 2 girls are at the bar waiting for their "prey".
Guy 2: Not's that way..I'm pretty sure I saw him (Fiancé) kiss her (Girlfriend 1).

Guy 1 makes a beeline to bar and starts checking out girlfriend 1. Getting uncomfortable GF 1 makes starts drawing SOS heart signs to her fiance.

Fiancé mans up thrusts his chest forward - a 6 feet 200 pound man!!!! and walks to the bar stand.

All 3 of us and almost everyone in the bar stand gets ready for a bar brawl and start cheering the pair in eager anticipation of a spicy bar brawl when the fiancé puts his hand on the guy's shoulders draws very close to him and whispers in his ear "Dude, U look like my type .Shall we get together tonight"

I have never seen a Guy rush out of the bar faster.

The whole pub roared in mirth and saluted the fiancé . Drinks and food on the house !

And the rest of the party was incident free.:)

Ha!! So you are back with a late but latest story…!!
When did I ever leave to be back?

The 3 F'S  

Posted by lafemmereva in

Bah!! Fun, Frolic and Florida - The 3 F'S!!

Every morning in Africa, a gazelle wakes up. It knows it must run faster than the fastest lion or it will be killed.
Every morning a lion wakes up. It knows it must outrun the slowest gazelle or it will starve to death.
The moral: It doesn't matter if you are a lion or a gazelle. When the sun comes up, you better be running.
The moral lafemmed: It doesn’t matter if me you have been vacationing in a sunshine state in what was a bathing suit last year that has become a bikini this year. You still got to come back running to the same old work and actually work, pay your bills, do your vacation laundry, upload all photos for the whole world in facebook/orkut and tweet your pals to check their facebook/orkut (as if we need a reminder!!!) and spend a zillion hours planning the next getaway.

I too nod in agreement - All talk about prompt return to blogging after vacation but in the end just like the Indian Politician – High on promise low on delivery. But lafememreva needed a vacation to recoup from the vacation she took. So here’s a late but latest account without further digression.

I have a bad reputation at making it in time to board a flight. But every b*tch has her day and so I had mine. I was in the airport all of 1 hour early. Stomach staging mutiny I settled for Chinese. Chinese and mass production are not so mandarin but more like siamese twins, Thanks to mass production and affordable labor Chinese goods have flooded our market a dime a dozen. They can also be credited for the well balanced eco system what with their bowel systems recycling half the fauna on the face of earth; oiled so well that warrants a mallu oil man in the “Gelf” to say “ Tastes simbly good”

Since we are regrouping after a while let’s address some burning issues such as Why we will always be mama’s boys and daddy’s girls.

After lunch I settle in the nearest lounge and see a coloring book next to me. Now we wannabe out of box thinkers cannot resist that surge of creativity that swells up like say for example those afternoons at work when we make mental pictures of our boss in a bikini and even give him a chihuaha in a bag as an accessory. So I begin to draw stick figures and to some with an artistic eye it might even look like Kate Moss who has no mass. Then I heard the falsetto of a 5 year old all Adam Lambert-y that would put even a fire alarm to shame. He had come back to get the book he left behind. And none of a much embarrassed lafememreva’s apologies or his father’s consolation paid off. Then came the mother. Almost instantly the waterworks subsided. The father promptly went back to piggy backing his daughter. And so the boy continued to be his mama’s and the girl continued to be her papa’s. In case you are wondering what I have to say if you have/are a single parent. I would like to salute , respect and applaud you if you are a single parent or the child of one.

So all ye mama’s boys / daddy’s girls and ma/ddy’s babies buckle up and heave ho!! We go! To Florida – The sunshine state!

I boarded the flight and as I reached my seat I saw it – The first sight of a few strands of hair on what was designated to be my seat. My previous passenger most definitely had to be a parent. I don’t think so – I know so! God Bless the soul. How do I know it’s not the kid’s hair. Not unless the kid was a grey-haired Benjamin Button who grew younger by the day.

Then after a safe and customary noisy take off I see it - The bronzed veil. Before you picture some arab beauty luring you from behind her veil let me assure you this bronzed veil will send you sneezing all the way to the loo with several kids “auntying” you as you walk across them.

Bronzed Veil a.k.a Loose powder or simply some varied texture of compact for all you cosmetically challenged men. Lafemmereva is no au naturel and all but my co passenger ‘s sole activity on board was to paint and dust her face as if she was prepping for a war with several layers of heavily pigmented bronzed veil powder which breezed through my ripped jeans and settled on my legs forming patches which when revealed, (Bah!! When you switch to skirts ! Naughty!) leave a lot to imagination, taking any form from a playboy bunny to a teenage mutant ninja turtle.

Maybe that is what the 5 year old boy who sat behind me was figuring out everytime “Aunty lafemmereva” ran to the restroom to sneeze and er… because of all the bronzed veil powder rain on board. But you never know…Maybe he was just an early starter.

After all men will be men
Flesh sighting is what they do
Especially on a ripped jeans too blue.

Break in journey at the music city where the travel companions meetup. Visit to the temple paid on L/reva’s insistence before the 14 hr drive to the destination begins. And as the car wheeled away from the temple I hear the gods whisper “ You were born to be wild. So in the next few days go tame the beastly youth in you. May the force be with you”

Lattes , Music and 14 hr drive later the fun began to “flo” in “Flo”rida and how?
Green palms (yes, Surprise!!), boountiful beaches, sleeping on the beaches at sunset, alligator and bird watching in state parks and swamps and elaborate dinners.

We drove through the Seven mile highway to Keywest which is ensconced comfortably in the southernmost part of Florida , just 90 miles away from Cuba and its infamous cigar - where Fidel Castro once ruled roost. The Gulf of Mexico and Atlantic kissed the road from both sides and each other with the sea grass tickling them and pulling them apart making not just the waters green but the onlooking humans too!
The seagrass do more than photosynthesize they sympathize you for a photo too. So we went click, click and more click till it was time for parasailing.

Parasailing offers a panoramic view of the beach and a chance for you to take a fresh look at pole dancers, refresh your respect for them possibly even manifolding it, for their extreme balance in addition to the extreme entertainment that they provide all while looking Lara Croft-y the Tomb raider -ish. Such admiration for them is inevitable when you are seated delicately balanced on a rod several hundred feet above the deep blue waters taking in a spectacular panoramic view if the vast expanse of the sea below with a rope tethering you and the hand that controls the rope occasionally shaking you and everything out of you.

Parasailing – Will do, Again!

A cruise into the sunset waiting, we eagerly jumped on board with hats, sunglasses and much needed thirst quenchers. I am standing by the railing admiring the blue and orange hues freezing the moment in my head when I detect the presence of a Peruvian babe (PB) next to me.

PB: Nice sandals. I like them
L/reva: Thanks. So where are you from?
PB: Peru. I'm vacationing in North America
L/reva: Cool! I'm vacationing too.
PB: I like your outfit
L/reva: Thanks. So do you like florida?
PB: Its cool. I like your sunglasses
L/reva: Thanks. So is this your first time on a cruise?
PB: I like you (leans over saying so)
L/reva (thinking): What? Maybe? Shae..No!! Is she? But! Should I? Obama said Change is good….Crap!!!! I made a “straight” dash to my mates.

Much sleep,lattes, music and driving later - NASA. Think Nasa. Think Swades. Think SRK. And don't think KKR!

A threesome of sun, rain and thunder provided the much needed spark to the marriage with reality on the drive back home.

A Picture is worth a thousand words. So why did I have to make you read a 1000 instead of posting a few pictures? Because without the words there wouldn’t be a story and without a story there wouldn’t be a lafemmereva. And if there were no lafemmereva …..Crap!! I cannot even finish that sentence. I, lafemmereva, am at a loss of words. I am emosunal now peoples.

P.S. Notice to kids on a pool in Florida:

Welcome to the ool (notice the “pee” missing)