How (NOT) to loose your job in a day - Part 2  

Posted by lafemmereva in , ,

Part 1 is here

Let's start with the elevator: If you spot your boss in the elevator DO NOT let it pass. Dance on the chance. Make sure you "accidentally" drop your cup of coffee on his expensive suit.

If you do not have a cup of coffee in your hand then Plan B. Yawn loudly! no ,Growl! and blame it on lack of caffeine, Tell everyone in the lift (ensure your boss hasn't got one of those pesky little Ipod/Zune types on!) how your spouse snore last night was louder than the roar of the spectators in the stands in the match you were catching live on television last night and how you couldn't catch much sleep - because your favorite team lost the match. Look around to ensure your spouse is not in the lift. After all you do need them to financially support you in your domesticated stay-at-home phase. As you get out of the elevator try to step in your boss's way and let him topple. Do not help him to his feet. Stand and laugh - The same way he laughed at that report you submitted to him last week on why you thought you should be given a raise. If he survives this , then get into your office and as your boss tries to make his way through the door beat him to it and slam the door on his face. The bridge in your boss's nose shouldn't be the only thing broken after that. In return your access card will be broken by him. Who cares. Tit for Tat - He thinks! He may have won the battle, But you have just won the war and claimed your kingdom - the couch at home!

If any of the above works, even before you make your way up to your cubicle you will make your way out in the same elevator you came in.

Break Room: Admit it. If you are reading this you are probably the sort who takes work breaks between breakfast/tea/lunch/snack/browsing sessions. So you spend a palpable amount of your office time in the breakroom hanging out with mates and checking out office "hot" property that come in various colors like blondes, brunettes and redheads.

Start hanging out in the breakroom closest to the boss's office. Talk loudly about how you remain glued to your seat in the office all the time only because you are watching videos on Youtube in the office desktop. If Youtube is banned at work, brag about how you almost saw a morning- matinee-evening show in your portable-dvd-player, that you brought to work last week. If you have an arch nemesis at your workplace whom you want to take down with you take his/her name and mention how he/she also enjoyed the movie. Sink or Swim together. You can arbitrarily also blow your trumpet about how you spent the last day of the last quarter not tabling your results but by playing table tennis flash game.

And the boss will ensure that you/arch nemesis spend the rest of your days gaming comfortably at home with your kid or your neighbor's kid. Genius!

Meetings: Where despite high levels of caffeine and words being poured you still doze blissfully.Take lots of food (bananas, groundnuts, yogurt) to all meetings. Tell them you are saving lunch time. Peel the banana , try and aim for the nearest trash can to throw the peel and miss the goal. Peel the skin off the groundnuts and let it fly. Scoop the yogurt with your fingers and lick every last bit of it clean and give everyone in the meeting room a high-five.

My space: The only personal space we seem to be getting these days is probably in Roomates, long lost Ex-es, Friends, Spouses, Kids are all invading our personal space like those masked men in the movie Watchmen. This is your most valuable asset unless you are Pamela Anderson. Deny them just that. Yes, while talking to your client in a meeting get as close as you can, stare into the eye and spray it! That's right. Don't just say, Let words spray out of your mouth in such a way that it leaves the other party drenched! To top it all off we are famous for our "nods" and hand gestures. Wave your hands in their faces.

Your next stop will be eating the food remnants of your couch for that's where you will be for the rest of your life. If you have kids or a nephew you know what I am talking about w.r.t food on couch. Else , wait till you have one! My nephew almost has a whole lost treasure hidden in my sister's couch. I even once found my sister's platinum chain hung around a rubber tadpole's neck in her couch with some poop-colored-substance hardened on it. The feeling - Priceless. Since I am selective about reality I choose to believe it was chocolate and not poop as it may well could have very possibly been.

Is that pesky little job just not leaving you? Click here for more.

This entry was posted on Friday, March 13, 2009 at Friday, March 13, 2009 and is filed under , , . You can follow any responses to this entry through the comments feed .


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