Smarter than a fifth Grader?  

Posted by lafemmereva in

Mollu's Manager sends her a list of things to do at 12 : 00 in the night! (Bold, Emphasis, Underline 12:00 in the night! A man with a wife and a kid!)
Manager's mail as follows:
Title of the email: A few tasks to do...

Mollu's response to manager inline to the mail..
Title of the email : A few Tasks to do....? (Go fish!)
#1,#2, #3 ....I have taken a print out of this and kept at my desk. For some I can’t give a status right away because it’s a long process. For some I have. Over the next few centuries the status for the remaining ones will be sent when there is an update.

End of the mail chain!

Mollu and manager go to their respective beds and sleep!

Next day Mollu is asked to send a status report to the client and Mollu decides to borrow conveniently from the previous day's mail and says so to her manager for which pat comes the reply!
Manager: Feel free to copy, peek or cheat because you are not smarter than a fifth grader :)
Mollu: People not smarter than a fifth grader may well go on to become American/Indian Idols!

Poetic Inertia!  

Posted by lafemmereva in

On a Maniac Tuesday after a 2 hour brainstorming session on how to become a system expert in 2 hrs , my stomach was threatening to start a mutiny and soon it was that time of the noon when even a power nap can't save you from the strains of hard(ly) labor, Snoopy(a pal of mine whom I shall frequently mention for the remainder of my blogging days)and I exchange a few mails back and forth:

Moi: Ringa Ringa Roses, Code full of hoaxes, Husha Busha, All (systems) fall down!
Snoopy: Twinkle Twinkle little code
How I wonder what you load
Up above my head so high
Your bugs make me cry !

With a power nap beckoning and a status mail reckoning caffeine is the panacea and on my way out of office to Starbucks for a Cafe Misto, I see a couple of plaques on a co-worker's workstation which say...

"Trespassers will be prostituted"
"Shut up and work, you are not paid to think! "

Nah! I tell Green Day crooning on my Ipod! "I don't walk a lonely road! "

The journey from 70 - 125 --Dreams are no lies!  

Posted by lafemmereva in , , ,

Here and there you see it everywhere,
I as well had my own share!!
Addictions and desires evermore,
to be light so with the wind i can soar!!

I tried so hard to shed it all,
I tried everything including running in the fall!!
Gyms and pools did not help much,
the pants did not loosen and no miracles as such!!

Sadness galore and helpless I felt,
depression looming but still no fat did melt!!
Protiens and lipids all swimming in fat,
all hopes gone and in brooding silence I sat!!

Forcefully packed off to a different land,
miseries enough to hide face in hand!!
In distress I started eating healthy,
the first effect was that I was more wealthy!!

Salads from chipotle lentil and white rice,
there was salt and pepper but no sign of any spice!!
Three meals a day with no munches in the middle,
the tummy was a bit bored with the mind solving the riddle!!

One fine day I decided to buy the scale,
to check how heavy I was so that I could once more wail!!
Oh my god I never believed what I saw,
from a seventy(kgs)to one twenty five(lbs) against all law!!

For years I had tried to reduce the load,
and all efforts went in vain on the long road!!
But when it was time it did come true,
fate was the winning ship and me in its crew!!

My miseries gone, my sadness flew,
the beautiful smile was there once again in lieu!!
I did the jig, a butterfly dance, and a leap in the sky,
I felt that my small dream was no more a lie!!

The way they were......  

Posted by lafemmereva in ,

She carried him through wind and storm
Mothered a lost soul from dusk to dawn
Every necessity of life she gave
And not an inch of want did she crave

Time moved on and so did the tide
Gallantly they moved on the roller coaster ride
Ups and downs a part of life
They talked of everything including their strife

From bitching humour to intellectual talk
Nothing stopped them from their blissful walk
On top of the hill the horizon they always saw
And when down in the valley they fought their regular law

For Columbia they craved and dreamed
No its not coffee, its just their dream sealed
She was the boat and he was the oars
Without each other they could never fight the boars

They fought many battles through highs and lows
History will tell of their stories galore
They won some, They lost some, but they tried so hard
That the devil had tears and so did the silent lord

She was responsible and knew what was right
He had his ideals but was confused what was dark or light
Life is mysterious and the day came
When the boat had to float and the oars were lame

The boat was strong and she could float without help
The oar was wooden and would sink with an unheard yelp
He still waits at the sea shore
When she will return and together they will discover more

A wait so long and lonely for him
But he says he will do it even if the light goes dim
What keeps them going is memories from the past
A treasure never lost even if the die is cast

They will live for today and for tomorrow
They shall live through happiness and sorrow
They shall dance away the darkness in purple haze
The shall remain enshrined in a crystal maze!

How much does Barbie Weigh?  

Posted by lafemmereva in , , ,

How much does Barbie weigh?
"He loves me" , "He loves me not" , "He loves me ", "He loves me not" ...And so I went harping to myself about whether Johnny Depp loved me or not when suddenly Sly came into my room and said "Hey chubby Girl!!!"!!!

Chubby!!! Me? I considered myself to be a girl to whom God had been extra generous, in whom he pumped extra air in some places that made me the bouncy girl that I am today, not Chubby!

I used the hotline and called N. N ate and exercised like a spartan and she looked like a Grecian Goddess. I heard her voice on the other line.
N : "Hey Sweets, whatcha doing?"
Moi: "Hey N! How much does Barbie weigh?"
N : "Duh!! Whats with you...I dunno maybe 110 pounds!"
Moi: "What does she eat everyday? "[N is a voracious reader of all the evil beauty magazines which promote low self esteem amongst well fed and healthy but slightly borderline cases)
N : "Raw vegetables and Cabbage Soup. And Camel milk as soon as she wakes up in the morning. You could try and tell me if the diet works for you".
I thought to myself yeah sure it will work, the subsequent diarrhea will enable me to lose 12 pounds in only 2 days. Why didn't I think of that!

Now I have introduced sly before so no more "Meet sly the Incredible Hulk , errr....sorry Hunk!" However a story now here about him to add color:

I have never known anyone other than sly who orders a Baconator at MacD, Large Potato Wedges and a DIET COKE! (Duh!). He has his sumptuous dinner puts on his Sunday best and by that I mean pajamas, woollen socks, hiking boots, sweater(to add pounds to the scale), drinks a whole (can) glass of "healthy" orange juice(Sunny D! like Ellen Paige in Juno) and holds the burp(he thinks gas adds to the weight!),removes his eyewear(He thinks blurred vision helps him read 180 as 130!) and gets on the bathroom scale. He weighs himself with all the above accessories included which add up to a few pounds and the next morning undresses himself completely and weighs in and feels good about loosing a few extra pounds while sleeping :)

Digressing a bit Sly is the sort of guy who minus his spectacles went and rubbed the back of his boss's daughter in an office party who was wearing white mink fur mistakenly thinking it was his boss's Maremma(a white sheep dog)! Flowers crossed(Love bloomed like in Mallu movies when flowers cross to indicate people are in love!) and ever since Sly has been promoted 3 times!

BTW Did you know? Sly's birthday wish was to give backward spiderman kiss to his boss's daughter?

Sly tells me that the best exercise to loose weight is to shake your head! Turn your head from left to right everytime someone offers you food to say "No" and voila you have burned all the calories without even getting off your butt!

I was always in shape(Yeah Round is a shape!). Work brought me to the US of A where clothes from the petites section of any Macy's or JC Penny's make me look like a Trapeze artist in circus act baggying around my shoulders and cinching at my waistline.

On a more serious note women of today need to prove themselves everywhere. To prove half their worth they need to work twice as much, do we want to promote low self esteem amongst young girls of today and make them prone to suffer from bulimia, anorexia and malnutrition to make them feel beautiful?

We have no one else to blame but ourselves and the media for stories of models who starve themselves and of freak incidents of deaths even.

I recently came across this and will NOT comment on the article but in case you missed it here you go!

Sly once told me of a woeful tale when he gifted his boss's daughter a diamond ring and she burst into tears. Sly presumed they were tears of joy and was thoroughly touched when she wailed saying "Oh, this ring makes my finger look fat!"

Well maybe , diamonds aren't a girl's best friend after all! :)

On that friday....  

Posted by lafemmereva in ,

TGIF! :) Is what she thought...She wanted to always quit on a Monday but a girl can't have all the luck.

And so like most of them knew by now that it was her last Friday there.....16 months ago She came in a yellow cab to work with a few hundred dollars and an indomitable spirit. Then she had nothing to loose for she never had any, and on the last Friday though she drove her own car she wanted to leave in a yellow cab reminiscing the glorious past and a future beckoning her with another set of endless possibilities and challenges to keep her going in the mindless space...

She had started with 2 sheets ,a porridge bowl and some manna. She was leaving richer than ever and equally wiser. The city had made her endure hardships, tested her, broken her down completely, taught her to laugh and cry through pain and sorrows, made her and finally remade her.

When she left she did not owe anyone any money or code, all she was leaving with were memories to go write another chapter in her travelogue that her work authored!

It wasn't that she thought the world of the people she was leaving or that she didn't ! What it definitely meant was that she had learnt something from them all and was taking a part of them with her, for after all they were her extended family for a year and a half and it was her first home in the land of free that she was leaving behind. Her first port of entry...

Their companionship had validated her being and provided food for her soul as it did for them. She was hated and loved to the extremes. She didn't mind either for the only thing that mattered to her was if she was inspiring...

She always thought that it’s not the years that you put into your life, it’s the life you put into your years...and they definitely had put life in hers in some way thereby leaving an indelible impression...

She had tormented many of them for loving her ,for hating her ,for not getting her cookies from home and also sometimes maybe simply for the joy of tormenting but all that was in good spirit. They all took it in a lighter vein and forgave and forgot. She was one of them..

Joys and sorrows were shared, in dire circumstances even a cup of coffee was shared when the vending machine ran out of refills and Oh! Yeah! all the sleepless developer's night out, Weekends.....

When she left she told them that though it sounded cliched she wanted to leave them with her words and that were....

Nobody dies a V*rg*n , life manages to scr*w us all anyways :) so live life king size!!!
(* intended !)

To some though she said what she always liked saying .....

When winds of fortune blows against you
Remember you can harness them
And blow you towards your definite purpose
Through the use of your imagination!

She bid her final goodbye and urged a spirit of goodwill and camaraderie to remain.She told herself that the purpose of her stay there was to forge the next link in the chain of events that would make up the story of her life ....

She had come, She had seen and She had conquered...

To my Tam Brahm GF's 'agonising' aunts!  

Posted by lafemmereva in , , ,

I intended to write a full length post on this but I got caught in the mundane chores of coloring the nail on my little finger and taking the tag off my first Saks Fifth Avenue sweater! I wanted to laugh off the whole episode so here goes...

If only being a woman were any easier...And if only Monday mornings started off any better!( All this happened on a monday)

In what twisted world is there a rule which says that marriage validates a woman's being?

It all started off with a call my "Tam Brahm" girl friend who in a couple of months will have completed a quarter of a century on Planet Earth.

She is also a proud aunt of a darling nephew who is soon to turn "troublesome one!" New Mothers would sure know why "one" is so troublesome.

Call Summary from the "Tam-Brahm" in distress as follows:

The excitement of a newborn at home turning one shifted the focus away from her "singleness" for a while since the focus was shifted to where the little one would have his head tonsured for the ceremony and where he would have his ear pierced(Let's just say that now when they get his ears pierced he may cry but fast forwarding several years to him as a teeny bopper, when history repeats and he pierces well his whatever! ,He will have had his last laugh of the whole episode!)

Soon after all the subtleties are dealt with (including major decisions like whether the lady next door who didn't send an invite for a similar function at home needs to be invited ) she was back to fielding all he queries they usually ask her,forgoing any preamble,"Why cant u like marry a tam brahm" ?? " Why cant we place and ad in the newspaper" Your aunt knows of a cousin who is your father's uncle's wife's sister's grandson! He is an IIT graduate, works in San Jose in Silicon Valley(Is silicon valley in San Jose or San Jose in Silicon Valley!!!! Phew!!) and has a Honda accord! (Why do all desis get a Honda or a Toyota Camry? Do Honda and Toyota manufacture cars for Indians living in America? !! Why not a Nissan Sentra err.....Altima ;)) Psstttt... I own an Altima.

The species of aunts are the only ones which have survived Darwin's natural selection and have infiltrate their way through the system landing pat right on their butts in our homes sipping teas in our courtyards helping the likes of KKKKKta Kpppppprr make millions spinning yarn that might have placed India right at the top of the countries exporting Yarn. These "friendly" aunts who do a wedding hopping in the vain search of a potential victim at the altar of the arranged marriage have now zeroed in on her. Why can't they just go become franchisees of some home based business?

Presumably she is a smart, young cosmopolitan woman "Tam Brahm" who has reached the "right age and the "right" thing for me to do is find the "right" guy?Right? Wrong!

She for one is a die hard romantic at heart who has a spirit of romantic adventurism in her... who likes her men classy & clean shaven(French Beard is a thumbs up!),is the fun"nest" person to be with, has a sharp sense of humour and is surprisingly bohemian yet conventional in a way that makes her the most unique and the most "eligible. She is what a Maya Angelo would call A "Phenomenal Woman"

So my sincere plea to her "Agonising Aunts" Let her find her suitable or unsuitable man/frog :D

Related Posts : Open letter to my one and only Mallu Chekkan!

Musings about a Windy City from a midnight owl in the Mile High City!  

Posted by lafemmereva in

365 have gone by since an eventful trip to Chicago what on a 60$ roundtrip ticket(yes, don't ask me how we got so lucky!) and a bunch of funny smart and enthusiastic people!


The Gen X Noah!  

Posted by lafemmereva in

Holas and welcome to what has become a regular fare of me venting and you reading and since you haven't been complaining at all, here's a little something that is not so original I saw that tickled my funny bone so decided to spread the joy!

Is this the second coming? (No offense, Religious nuts do not start a furore over this comment:) I am no celebrity or celebutante who needs a cheap publicity stunt! No reference at all to a certain Milan Filton)

Good Day!