The wild west story  

Posted by lafemmereva in , , , ,

Shakeela ma'am. Sorry Susheela ma'am. 70% of her back was short of fabric. And 70% of the male students in the class were high on it.

Full attendance of male students to chemistry labs and their subsequent "wet" dreams can be attributed to Susheela ma'am and her backless blouse.

This was 10 years ago. You would have thought that by now Susheela would have lost it. Tch! Tch!!

On July 4th we all gathered at the Time Warner center to watch the spectacular fireworks display. People were gaping with mouths open. A`pat on my back brought me face to face with her - after a decade. She had come to California to visit her son . An exchange of pleasantries and a stealthy glance at her back and I knew what people were still gaping at. I noticed a woman hold onto her husband tightly after seeing Susheela.


70% of the earth is covered with water. So is 70% of California. And within a month of living in LA I have been to 70% of the beaches. But just one of them remains my all time favorite. Santa Monica. The pier and the Ferris wheel in that Pier.

Life always comes a full circle and if there's anything you can do with it it's to go on and on and on and on. And that's what the Ferris wheel in the Santa Monica Pier, which draws me to it every weekend and keeps me there till the wee hours of the morning, symbolizes - that Life always comes a complete circle and you must go on despite the odds but always carry an extra pair of clothes with you whenever you go on the ride because the kid behind you might just puke on you. And undigested, suspicious, brown color Nutella from a kid's tummy can look a lot like......!!!!!!


Los Angeles is a land of eternal sunshine and poverty. The "haves" continue to have and the "have nots" blog about it.

A land of people that date Prada, Gucci and Manolo Blahniks and are occasionally genderally challenged. The other day I was at this restaurant called Bubba Gump (Yeah, there is a restaurant modeled after Forrest Gump!!!! Ho!! He!! Ha!!! and the sign to hail the waiter is "Run Forrest run"!!!! ) . I realized that the humidity had caused my liner to run mildly. Fretting about the cosmetic emergency I looked around to see if a damsel would offer help of size 1 oz.. A pat on my back made me come to face with a whose eye was so well lined that one might think he/she had his liner tattooed. Which might just be possible in LA. He offered me the best pot of eyeliner I have come across. Yep!! I stocked 2 pots of it from the mall last weekend!!!

Oh, and the simbly mallu men, A dime a dozen I say. You would think that the mallu men are mundu wearing , appam eating types working as nurses in gelf. Hello metrosexual!! Meet the new mallu men who drive top notch cars, party in the swankiest clubs in LA, wear Calvin Klien and yes!!! ask and take you out on a decent date!!! Ho!!!! Ho!!! Dum di da da da da da!!!!!

Chihuahuas are dearer than children. I was in Malibu last Sunday and this lady is walking her chihuahua. The daughter is ambling along. The chihuahua puts a puppy face feigning fatigue and the lady in a jiffy lifts it and puts it in her tote bag. Her daughter complains of fatigue and the lady asks her to rest for a couple of minutes and resume the walk!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Silicones have replaced diamonds as a girl's best friend. Gone are the days when girlfriends dropped hints to their boyfriends in a subtle way:

Two lovers sitting in a park bench outside LA:
Girl: Honey will you buy me a rock (diamond)?
Boy: But..I have the housing loan....
Rock (The real one) falls on the guy's head and the sound of heels click away in the distance.

Two lovers sitting in a park bench in LA:
Girl:Honey I think we need to take our relation further .
Boy: Er....(Fearing the "M"(arry) word!
Girl: I think I need to go from a size B to a size G.
Boy: Phew!! sure honey!!

And she goes to the top notch Plastic surgeon and gets some silicone implants, which if Pamela had patented, would have made her a gaziollionaire!

There is more silicone in the chest of an LA woman than in the Silicon valley itself!!!

LA should be made the reuse capital. How they reuse plastic!! You see plastic on the face of every man, woman and Chihuahua in LA. When a child is born in the southern part of India he is told to become a doctor or Engineer. In LA he is told to become a Plastic Surgeon.

If its a baby girl she is told to become an actress and marry Hugh Hefner. Marrying Hugh Hefner will not get the girl's parent booked for child marriage or get Hugh Hefner arrested for child molestation as per Californian Law for Playmates!


Pillavayu - In telugu means "Baby Breeze". These are small baby breezes that hit your face and make you feel like a model in the "Ponds Dreamflower Talc" ad. Case in point. Malibu Bluffs park. Ho! If Japan is the land of sunrise, Malibu is the land of sunset and "Baby breezes"!! The evening breeze in Malibu is so cool and refreshing it makes you want to make babies. Ho!!! Those "baby making breezes" I say! Er!! Baby breezes I say!

All this baby talk reminds me of an incident in Palghat, Kerala. There was a river called BharataPuzha which flowed through our backyard. There is a dense vegetated area by the river which was called "Lover's cove" because it was where the lovers would tryst with destiny or whatever such thing. I always dreamt of spotting a couple "in the act". So one hot summer afternoon paying no heed to my grandmother's stern warnings I stealthily crept to the "Lover's cove" by the river and saw a long lock of hair on a woman's head behind a tree trunk swaying vigorously. With curiosity and adrenalin mixing like vodka and bloody mary I ran upto the spot to "out" the couple only to realise that it was a squirrel playing with a wig. Sigh!!!! I still carry that scar from childhood. Trauma.

And so there I was one fine morning waiting at the DMV with guilt eating me since I was away from a very important day at work but I couldn't do anything about it because the offices are closed during the weekends. As`I wait there soaking in the Los Angeles heat, a cyclist passes by shouting at the line of car owners outside DMV "Start Biking guys, You no longer need to stand in a line". Was that a truckload of salt dumped on our wounds with rivers of sweat making deltas and estuaries?

If you have seen Kambakth Ishq you know how the life of the noveau riche in California is. Shudder!! Do I hear Mangalam, Mangalam in the background? I run for cover!

Alrite cats, the Ferris wheel is green now. I gotta go. Life is calling.