Showing posts with label Item Numbers - Guest Appearances. Show all posts

That title is not the name of a new flu or some exotic mandarin dancer in Vegas. Patience is a virtue peoples. Me will elucidate, wait.

For the one last time - One more email about whether the swine flu is the reason for my absence from the Internet, from anyone, and I will bawl and wail and thank you for the unconditional love and support you guys show. Let me not say unconditional since almost all emails to lafemmereva end with "We hope you get better and start blogging again".

Sifting through emails after an unintentional sabbatical I chanced upon what this person sent me. Now I had long stopped and made known that I will refrain from guest posts. Bah, too many requests - Hard to oblige all and spread the love.

But we Indian Junta are known for second chances. Ask Singh. We made him a King again. So read on what might well be the last guest post in this space in a loooong time to come. Lasts - How they come eventually. Prabhakaran would agree.

This is what Ramesh has to say, in response to the post : "It's raining Men - Hallelujah!"

DISCLAIMER: L/reva washes her hands off all of the words below and will be vacationing starting this weekend for a few days unable to accept the eggs or tomatoes that you might want to shower on her "poor self" for publishing this. All comments will be published promptly and responded to, though! But please take the time out to consider my preferences - I don't mind designer sandals being thrown at me. Gladiators are my fav model.

Piao liang de nu hai

Our lafemme needs a prod. So here’s a riposte to her “super post”, with a twist. And yes, its from a member of the male species.

Indian damsels – eat your heart out. You don’t stand a chance in front of the Chinese beauties I am privileged to live with – you see I live in the Middle Kingdom. Here are five reasons why

You have to redefine slimness when you see a Chinese lassie. They are uniformly pencil slim. Not an ounce of fat. And our own belles . Remarkably “healthy” . And after the baby comes – Eeeks.

You have to define youth too . The number of times I have mistaken a mother for a school girl is not funny (I am not making this up). Everybody looks sixteen and lovely.

Wow, they dress up. What outfits. And our own coder, Vlakshi. Gimme a break. I’ll run a mile. Surely the salwar kameez must be the worst outfit ever invented.

What lovely hair. There are three times more hair dressing salons in China than there are saree shops in India. In fact three every street corner. Impeccably groomed these Chinese girls are. And our own coder – my dear, washing your waist length hair once a month just won’t do.

But here’s the clincher. Chinese women love foreigners. The whiter you are the better, but brown will do too. They think we males (as long as we are not Chinese) are God’s gift to mankind. At long last somebody somewhere has got this universal truth. And our beauty wants us to talk to her mother. Ugh !

Just kidding. We desis love our lafemmes. Have to say that, don’t I. Actually the real reason why , is because there just isn’t a lafemmereva in the Middle Kingdom. There just can’t be.

But still, still, Oh man ! how gorgeous these Chinese damsels are.

Just in case you are wondering – the title means Beautiful Girls in Mandarin.

Hi,

I am the Southener. Remember me? I am a day late. Sorry. I was vacationing in Hawaii. I suggest you all also vacation there more often. Natural beauty(ies) in its abundance ;) Lafemereva is planning to vacation in Hawaii this holiday season after seeing the pics I brought back!

Today I write about an Idea that destroyed many student lives.

Everyone was living a life of peace and quietude. Students were passing all their exams, percentage of educated people were rising. One sadistic Russian did not like this at all. So kabooooom one night, high on a lot of vodka and potatoes, he got an idea and developed a table which wreaked complete havoc amongst the student crowd. Some failed, some left academics, many went mad, there was total chaos. The percentage of educated fell at an exponential rate, and till date it still tortures the daylights out of people. I am talking about Dmitri Mendeleev and his periodic table. This is very close to my heart as even after burning the midnight oil I still get confused between Ca and Na. To add to my woes nowadays in movies (Like Dasavatharam (Tamil)) people have started using terms like Nacl instead of common salt. The day is not far when I have to go to an arrack shop and ask for Ch3Oh.

Structure of methanol:


Related Posts:
Southener Series - Numero Uno - Idea that helped create a multi-million dollar empire
Southener Series - Numero Deux - Idea that helped create a multi-million dollar tool

Just when you thought I had forgotten about it...Here I come.

Hi,

I am the Southener. If we haven't met before..Pls read this. Thanks!

Foresight:
Our Italian mastermind invented a device which he used to letch at this beautiful girl next door, who moved out to the next locality, so he just increased the power of this device, and then she moved to the next city and then town and then country, and the genius that he was went on increasing the distance till which he could see his old haunt, and very soon abracadabra .......Galileo had created a telescope.

Cya next Sunday.

Related Post: Southener Series - Numero Uno - Idea that helped create a multi-million dollar empire

Remember this?

Flashback: I told you about a certain Southener who sent a few links which I put together for a novel business idea for which he claimed 50% profits.

This Southener called me of all the time in the world on a sunday morning to tell me that he had a dream (nightmare for me) last night. Apparently in the dream he had a calling in which he was instructed by the forces that be to share his "novel" ideas with the world. And this hopeless and jobless Southener who is beyond redemption calls me and asked to make a guest appearance for a few consecutive sundays (of all days!!) on my blog to share them with you all.

Now you may ask why he cannot post it on his own blog. Exactly. That's what I asked him too. He said that having written such similar "torture posts" on his blog, people who were once readers of his blog have now started blocking his blog site unable to bear the chinese torture.

So the misery ridden Southener is on a mission to ensure that my well-read blog and subsequently well- entertained readers meet with the same fate.

Misery Loves company. Never more justified than now! Sigh!

So why am I still allowing such uncouth and blog-destructive behaviour?
Old time's sake. You know. The Southener and I once (pretended to) worked together in a place which made working in Alcatraz prison, which housed the infamous Al Capone, worth looking forward to. And the people we worked with - made working with the likes of Al Capone, a pleasant dream. They had half evolved. So, left together, as the only two sane people, lots of pastries, coffee, conversation and yes, ideas (mostly mine but falsely publicised by him as his own) flowed.

So please read below the Southener's thoughts and feel free to send me an email essaying your personal thoughts (insults) and I shall promptly forward to the Southener's address.

That will wake the Southener from his fantasy!! Like I was woken up from mine, by him, at a criminally early hour on a sunday morning. That rat!

Over to the Southener.

Hi,

I am the Southener and I am honored and privileged to share my thoughts with you below. I thank Lafemmereva for letting me hijack her blog for this noble cause.

Why is it that when we think of an idea the first thing that we visualize is a bulb? Is it the Edison effect? I mean its not just that he is the only one who had an idea right? Newton did, Archimedes did, so why do we not visualize an apple or a bath tub? Ever thought about it?

Ideas have led to many great deeds:

Idea that helped create a multi-million dollar empire:
As a boy he was very weak in academics (nope i am not referring to Tarey zameen par, this is way before anyone knew about learning disabilities). One day the poor soul was sitting in his physics class unable to comprehend what was so great about an apple falling from a tree when the bespectacled moustached physics teacher moved on to a subject called buoyancy with the old tale of Archimedes and how he jumped out of his bath tub baring all and running through the streets shouting "Eureka! Eureka!" to the amusement of all the Greeks. Eureka ............ the little boys bulb lit, nope he still did not understand buoyancy, but used the idea of the person baring it all publicly in a more so called "artistic" way and built a multi million dollar empire out of it. If you still have not guessed the name, its Hugh Hefner of the Playboy fame.

A boss I once worked with used to pretend to be reading status reports in his locked up cabin when all he was doing was ogling at the centre-spread in the PB magazine. And we were "honestly" coding, debugging , testing and sending him the "real" status reports. My boss now has a company of his own, post retirement, in a beach in Hawaii. He sells beach wear from recycled material. I'm guessing those status reports we sent him are being recycled somewhere. I know what inspired him!

There are many more such novel ideas that changed the world, I shall make guest appearances over the next few Sundays and share them with this august audience.

(I actually called Lafemmereva at 5 in the morning this Sunday but she refused to answer the phone. When I tried again the phone was switched off. Finally I reached her around noon which she calls "morning". I shall try again next Sunday ;) )

Toodles! Cya next sunday!