Showing posts with label single n mingle. Show all posts

I had seen almost all movies worthy of being watched so I decided to stay in and watch my favorite TV shows while cuddled on the couch in my pajamas with my favorite date - Hagen Dazs.

The doorbell rings and she rushed in her saturday night best. She hadn't called on me in a long time and thankfully that didn't stop her from calling on me in her hour of distress.

Looking every inch the chic girl I knew her to be, my friend walked in to narrate a woeful tale of how she went out to a movie with a friend whose husband tagged along as well. What was planned to be a girl's night out turned out to be a nightmare for this friend. The couple apparently cooed and canoodled while my friend was left feeling terrible for the lack of similar attention. Half way through she left the movie and headed straight to meet me and ask - Was she suffering from the disease of being single?

A lot of what I say is what a friend of mine told me a very long time ago when I went to him while being in a similar quandary myself. Very long ago on a friday night I was stood up by all my friends who were cozying up with their significant others leaving me to brave the night alone on my couch. Just me and Hagen Dazs. Being new to this country and being single was a double whammy. So I called a friend of 9 years - Let's call him Mr. Lafayette, whom I thank for being my sounding board on several occasions till date, instilling in me a strong sense of direction.

At the risk of stating the obvious I say it - Couplehood is the most trendy label. Society and hormones enforce it's necessity and subsequent popularity. I dare not disagree. You always have someone to wake up to, talk to, do things with, someone to buy you gifts on your birthday someone to make you feel like a million bucks!

So the million dollar question - why are some of us still single?

It's not because someone left us or vice versa. No we are not dorks, nerds, geeks or social recluses. We are not too picky or foolishly eternally in wait for "The One" to come along. It could be all that too, but in a large majority of cases it is a self made choice.

Being single doesn't make sense as a conscious choice because of its popular association with leading a miserable life ALONE! It is looked at widely only as a transitory phase - a sort of lean period before couplehood rules the roost, again!

Singlehood is truly just that - a transitory phase. Nobody dies an old maid. Not even if you a serial casanova or a resident of the land of commitment phobia. Every single crosses over to the other side of the fence eventually.

Being single, for lack of a better word, can suck. Putting yourself out in the dating scene every friday night can seem a daunting task to many. A huge slap on the face of self esteem but we need to remind ourselves of the principle that got us all through college- To get an admit you need to apply! The best part is you meet some good eggs, some bad ones but for the most part you do meet a lot of bright minds.

Do you know that my best investment is not in Prada, Fendi or Burberry. Its my investment in self improvement. I am a good cook, I manage my finances, I get to spend my money without having anyone to tell me how. I have the time to prep for a marathon, to be with my friend's pets, to visit parents more often, to travel extensively across the country, rediscover old friends and new cultures.

If you have been or are newly single invest all of your time in learning to love and care about that one person who can satisfy all your needs - Yourself. This way you are reducing your sure shot as hell encounter with an overdose of disappointment when your dream of finding the one to fill the void within your soul is unrealized. It is a void that only we can truly fill ourselves. Having a significant other hardly bolsters your stability. If anything it brings with it an extra person , an extra baggage. You need the"other" to complement you. Not fill you.
Foolishly hoping the partner to fill in the gaps results in endless resentment - a vicious state which entails unnecessary extra marital ventures spelling the marital doom.

Like the proverbial dark cloud having a silver lining there are a zillion pros to being single. Discover them through your personal journey. Example?
If you are a girl you can shop all you want and don't have to hide your stuff in the closet and pretend to have had it since ages. And if you are a guy you can do with her not having to borrow your razor for quick "silky smooth legs".

Celebrate being single. Remember that's what the soap Sex and the city showed us! Before you have that unsettling feeling that I am suggesting you romp around your city with no tag of commitment involved, you are wrong. Nor am I suggesting that you all live vicariously through Charlotte/Miranda/Carrie/Samantha. I am urging you all to make your discoveries, learn your own lessons. Become a better you! Trust me relationships are high maintenance and time consuming. Use all the time you have at hand NOW! Love happens when you least expect it to!

So tell yourself - Come date night, will party! Sure you could get stood up or end up feeling left out at times when your friends liplock. That's when girlfriends/guyfriends come to the rescue. Like I went to my friend's today and like my friend came to mine in the distant past!

And for those nights in get a good couch and a pair of running shoes. Hagen Dazs fat free version is still a good 280 calories that you need to burn the next morning!!!

P.S. #1 Friend just drove away , a couple of hours and scoops of double fudge sundaes later, feeling much better, promising to call on me more often:) She is sure she will not die an "Old Maid" now!
P.S. #2 Lafayette asks to be described a a guy who has the bod of a greek god! His email will be made available upon request.

Related Posts:
Open letter to my one and only mallu chekkan
To my Tam Brahm GF'S 'agonosing' aunts

I intended to write a full length post on this but I got caught in the mundane chores of coloring the nail on my little finger and taking the tag off my first Saks Fifth Avenue sweater! I wanted to laugh off the whole episode so here goes...

If only being a woman were any easier...And if only Monday mornings started off any better!( All this happened on a monday)

In what twisted world is there a rule which says that marriage validates a woman's being?

It all started off with a call my "Tam Brahm" girl friend who in a couple of months will have completed a quarter of a century on Planet Earth.

She is also a proud aunt of a darling nephew who is soon to turn "troublesome one!" New Mothers would sure know why "one" is so troublesome.

Call Summary from the "Tam-Brahm" in distress as follows:

The excitement of a newborn at home turning one shifted the focus away from her "singleness" for a while since the focus was shifted to where the little one would have his head tonsured for the ceremony and where he would have his ear pierced(Let's just say that now when they get his ears pierced he may cry but fast forwarding several years to him as a teeny bopper, when history repeats and he pierces well his whatever! ,He will have had his last laugh of the whole episode!)

Soon after all the subtleties are dealt with (including major decisions like whether the lady next door who didn't send an invite for a similar function at home needs to be invited ) she was back to fielding all he queries they usually ask her,forgoing any preamble,"Why cant u like marry a tam brahm" ?? " Why cant we place and ad in the newspaper" Your aunt knows of a cousin who is your father's uncle's wife's sister's grandson! He is an IIT graduate, works in San Jose in Silicon Valley(Is silicon valley in San Jose or San Jose in Silicon Valley!!!! Phew!!) and has a Honda accord! (Why do all desis get a Honda or a Toyota Camry? Do Honda and Toyota manufacture cars for Indians living in America? !! Why not a Nissan Sentra err.....Altima ;)) Psstttt... I own an Altima.


The species of aunts are the only ones which have survived Darwin's natural selection and have infiltrate their way through the system landing pat right on their butts in our homes sipping teas in our courtyards helping the likes of KKKKKta Kpppppprr make millions spinning yarn that might have placed India right at the top of the countries exporting Yarn. These "friendly" aunts who do a wedding hopping in the vain search of a potential victim at the altar of the arranged marriage have now zeroed in on her. Why can't they just go become franchisees of some home based business?

Presumably she is a smart, young cosmopolitan woman "Tam Brahm" who has reached the "right age and the "right" thing for me to do is find the "right" guy?Right? Wrong!

She for one is a die hard romantic at heart who has a spirit of romantic adventurism in her... who likes her men classy & clean shaven(French Beard is a thumbs up!),is the fun"nest" person to be with, has a sharp sense of humour and is surprisingly bohemian yet conventional in a way that makes her the most unique and the most "eligible. She is what a Maya Angelo would call A "Phenomenal Woman"

So my sincere plea to her "Agonising Aunts" Let her find her suitable or unsuitable man/frog :D

Related Posts : Open letter to my one and only Mallu Chekkan!

DISCLAIMER: To all men reading this post, you are either my best friend, good friend, casual acquaintance , cousin, workmate, current boss, ex boss, current boyfriend, ex boyfriend , father or just another bored techie looking to spice up yet another afternoon at work . This post was written on one of my bad "code" days ( midnights!) when my program unit like my life was refusing to compile. I had to debug the bug in my code and life and fiction seemed to be the best debugging tool available.

So if you are a non mallu and fall into any of the categories above read it, pretend it tickled your funny bone, be gracious to leave a comment ,exit the page but make a reference of this page to a Funny, Jovial, Educated Mallu friend of yours (Who doesn’t wear a horn rimmed spectacle and prefers Brylcream to coconut oil!) and in return I'll name my second born after you :) I christened my first born as Silk Matha( Pls refer my "It's a Girl " Post! )

If you however are my "Neo"(Mallu/Palghat Pattar! :) enter the following loop and if you find an exit well go ahead and exit while you still can!

1. Open your wallet
2. Take your card out. No! Not that one, the one with the maximum credit limit. Yes, That card which can buy anything except “priceless” articles of interest!
3. Go to http://www.tiffany.com(i know you want to go to http://www.ebay.com! I will make you sleep on the couch!)
4. Buy a ring (No, not the Lord of the ring, DVD! You silly!) not less than 10 carat and come find me ! I will live happily ever after and well for you!! Hahahahahha!!!!! Poda Vattan!!! You just bought your suicide weapon (The ring!) In case you haven't realized by now that this is a never ending loop.

This loop iterates every anniversary with step 3 changing to http://www.manoloblahniks.com, http://www.chanel.com,http://www.botox.com and finally http://www.allmymoneyisyours.com :)

Read on this page from my fantasy book...

My dear Kunja Etan,

I have been looking a lot for you lately .Are you thinking of me right now like I am thinking of you? Are you looking for me in www.shaadi.com and www.jeevansaathi.com RIGHT NOW hoping I pop up on your screen? No? Turn off Pop up Blocker!

I am a very sweet innocent (with a long standing history of verbally and physically challenging her current and ex boyfriends:) The last one was left reproductively challenged after he refused to take me to timbuktu!) kollengode mollu.

Its becoming very hard to fantasize a nameless being Atleast send me a picture of ANY organ of your body, that I could use to dream about!

There is a scene that I often play in my head Etan. I promise you its very original and not a rip off from any fairy tale.....

(It is well almost midnight and I am dreaming of that day when I graduate from School with my Master's degree and well its the proverbial Graduation party. I wear my Glass Slippers and at the stroke of 12, I run away from the party because I need to rush to the loo. Bladder filled with enough water for a year’s supply of “wet” dreams!

And you come after me just in time to catch my leg before I rush into the "girls" room and my Manolo Blahnik gets caught in your hands )

Do you also write such novels in your head? Am I the Parvathi of a Suresh Gopi like you?

Have you ever noticed how most of the long standing marriages and the most successful couples like Ray and Deb of Everybody loves Raymond, Chandler and Monica of Friends, Mr and Mrs Simpson are all oddly couples of the exact opposite nature? If you are the Burger I will be the fries, together we shall make a perfect combo! In short I’ll be your better and bitter half!

I am not ready to marry you yet not Etan, coz like Britney says..I am not a girl not yet a woman :) But soon I will be so till then this is ALL I ask of you...(For now!)

Have enough girlfriends till we start dating so that by the time you come to me you are harassed enough and have paid enough restaurant bills and have had enough phone fights but also have enough reasons to break up with them after you meet me.

If you haven't learn to drive yet please do, I want to dress up like Shania Twain in " That don’t impress me much in Strips and Fur and get on your bike and go on long drives and after the drive get off the bike and say "That don't impress me much! "

I also want to go on a cycle with you with me sitting in the front like Goddess Khushboo (Don’t you know a temple was built for her, we should be aware of what’s happening in other states also! Might come in handy during the IQ Test, you’ll understand as you read below) does with “Superstar” Rajini in "Annamalai"

Please learn to make good Idiyappam and Kadala Curry , If you don't know learn from your mom/aunt/grandma next time you go home. I prefer it to expensive Italian/Mexican/Mediterranean food that only a Master Card can buy.

Make sure your younger/older sister are married so that the line is clear for us ;)If you have a younger or older brother make sure he remains unmarried so that I can flirt with him when you go on business trips. Also It wont hurt to have a handsome dad who will serve the same purpose. I have been spending sleepless nights thinking about you.

Etan, Cheriya request Please don't wax your legs, I don’t like my mallu boy metro sexual I just like him sexual. This way when you turn up your lungi (Good ventilation) and show your legs the visual sight of your hirsute le(o)gs will keep me floored despite the unbearable stench from your unwashed undie! (VIP Frenchie ???? Indigenous Komanam????? )

Etan, our love story has a brutus! My Achchan! He doesnt like mallu boys. He thinks his Reva Kochchu will become a waitress in a Tea Kada if she marries a Mallu Boy :( ( He loves banana chips and shakeela though!!! Hypocrisy I say!!!! )

He might put our love on a free trial period and might even guarantee to take your mollu back if he is not satisfied with you. He wants to interview you and test our IQ. So in addition to Malayalam Manorama make sure you read the Manorama Yearbook, Washington Post, Sciam.com, Did you know series, Encyclopaedia Britannica, Sarita, Vanita, Mangalam, Playboy, Letters to Penthouse.... This way even if you don't win me atleast you will win Master Mind on BBC and we can use this to appeal to my dad and convince him.

So Make sure your humor is as good as Lal etan's and legs as strong as Mamooty so that when you propose to me and my dad objects we can both run away as fats as your legs can carry(Yes I will be in your arms and you will be carrying me while we run away!)

(Am demonstrating my convincing abilities here, I wont have much trouble in convincing me into making me the beneficiary in your will and Insurance :P)

I promise to stay by you through receding hairlines and will gift your yearly subscriptions to www.wegrowhair.com
I promise to let you have your boy's day out when I am in the 'wrong' position of the month.
I promise to pray that your favorite football team wins.
I promise not to let distance come between us (Keep your friends close enemies closer :))

In return please promise me that we shall live happily ever after like the 2 lovebirds below :)



P.S . Pls brush your teeth daily, tooth extraction is very painful. No? Read my "Its a girl" post. Also I hate bad breath when you give me a good night kiss! :)

Okay etan moi going to sleep! Ummmahhh!!! Have you turned into a prince? :P

P.S I will blow you good night kiss everyday (Flowers will cross in the screen when we kiss and people can't see! see etan I'm a midiki :P and soon we will have kids born through cross pollination! :D

Signed,
Kollengode Mollu

Related Post: To my 'Tam Brahm GF's agonising aunt'