Showing posts with label Journey from the Lip to the Hip. Show all posts

Dear Mother Nature,

I think you have an eating disorder, Aren't you getting too gluttony of late?
Snow for breakfast , Sunshine for lunch , Chilly winds for tea and Storm for dinner?

(Sound of lightning) Was that your burp I heard?

~ Lafemmereva

P.S Colorado has the lowest obesity rate in the country and of late the most unpredictable weather!!!

Here and there you see it everywhere,
I as well had my own share!!
Addictions and desires evermore,
to be light so with the wind i can soar!!

I tried so hard to shed it all,
I tried everything including running in the fall!!
Gyms and pools did not help much,
the pants did not loosen and no miracles as such!!

Sadness galore and helpless I felt,
depression looming but still no fat did melt!!
Protiens and lipids all swimming in fat,
all hopes gone and in brooding silence I sat!!

Forcefully packed off to a different land,
miseries enough to hide face in hand!!
In distress I started eating healthy,
the first effect was that I was more wealthy!!

Salads from chipotle lentil and white rice,
there was salt and pepper but no sign of any spice!!
Three meals a day with no munches in the middle,
the tummy was a bit bored with the mind solving the riddle!!

One fine day I decided to buy the scale,
to check how heavy I was so that I could once more wail!!
Oh my god I never believed what I saw,
from a seventy(kgs)to one twenty five(lbs) against all law!!

For years I had tried to reduce the load,
and all efforts went in vain on the long road!!
But when it was time it did come true,
fate was the winning ship and me in its crew!!

My miseries gone, my sadness flew,
the beautiful smile was there once again in lieu!!
I did the jig, a butterfly dance, and a leap in the sky,
I felt that my small dream was no more a lie!!

How much does Barbie weigh?
"He loves me" , "He loves me not" , "He loves me ", "He loves me not" ...And so I went harping to myself about whether Johnny Depp loved me or not when suddenly Sly came into my room and said "Hey chubby Girl!!!"!!!

Chubby!!! Me? I considered myself to be a girl to whom God had been extra generous, in whom he pumped extra air in some places that made me the bouncy girl that I am today, not Chubby!

I used the hotline and called N. N ate and exercised like a spartan and she looked like a Grecian Goddess. I heard her voice on the other line.
N : "Hey Sweets, whatcha doing?"
Moi: "Hey N! How much does Barbie weigh?"
N : "Duh!! Whats with you...I dunno maybe 110 pounds!"
Moi: "What does she eat everyday? "[N is a voracious reader of all the evil beauty magazines which promote low self esteem amongst well fed and healthy but slightly borderline cases)
N : "Raw vegetables and Cabbage Soup. And Camel milk as soon as she wakes up in the morning. You could try and tell me if the diet works for you".
I thought to myself yeah sure it will work, the subsequent diarrhea will enable me to lose 12 pounds in only 2 days. Why didn't I think of that!

Now I have introduced sly before so no more "Meet sly the Incredible Hulk , errr....sorry Hunk!" However a story now here about him to add color:

I have never known anyone other than sly who orders a Baconator at MacD, Large Potato Wedges and a DIET COKE! (Duh!). He has his sumptuous dinner puts on his Sunday best and by that I mean pajamas, woollen socks, hiking boots, sweater(to add pounds to the scale), drinks a whole (can) glass of "healthy" orange juice(Sunny D! like Ellen Paige in Juno) and holds the burp(he thinks gas adds to the weight!),removes his eyewear(He thinks blurred vision helps him read 180 as 130!) and gets on the bathroom scale. He weighs himself with all the above accessories included which add up to a few pounds and the next morning undresses himself completely and weighs in and feels good about loosing a few extra pounds while sleeping :)

Digressing a bit Sly is the sort of guy who minus his spectacles went and rubbed the back of his boss's daughter in an office party who was wearing white mink fur mistakenly thinking it was his boss's Maremma(a white sheep dog)! Flowers crossed(Love bloomed like in Mallu movies when flowers cross to indicate people are in love!) and ever since Sly has been promoted 3 times!

BTW Did you know? Sly's birthday wish was to give backward spiderman kiss to his boss's daughter?

Sly tells me that the best exercise to loose weight is to shake your head! Turn your head from left to right everytime someone offers you food to say "No" and voila you have burned all the calories without even getting off your butt!

I was always in shape(Yeah Round is a shape!). Work brought me to the US of A where clothes from the petites section of any Macy's or JC Penny's make me look like a Trapeze artist in circus act baggying around my shoulders and cinching at my waistline.

On a more serious note women of today need to prove themselves everywhere. To prove half their worth they need to work twice as much, do we want to promote low self esteem amongst young girls of today and make them prone to suffer from bulimia, anorexia and malnutrition to make them feel beautiful?

We have no one else to blame but ourselves and the media for stories of models who starve themselves and of freak incidents of deaths even.

I recently came across this and will NOT comment on the article but in case you missed it here you go!

http://www.dailymail.co.uk/tvshowbiz/article-552792/Size-16-Miss-England-hopeful-Chloe-unveils-curvy-look-official-bikini-shoot.html

http://www.cwtv.com/thecw/gen-gallery-antm10-models/14/13

Sly once told me of a woeful tale when he gifted his boss's daughter a diamond ring and she burst into tears. Sly presumed they were tears of joy and was thoroughly touched when she wailed saying "Oh, this ring makes my finger look fat!"

Well maybe , diamonds aren't a girl's best friend after all! :)