Happy V you guys!!! :) Bah!! Vishu not Valentine. All westernized youths you are. No patriotic fabric I say !

May avials, thorans , kaalans and olans flow freely through your homes.

I had Kellog's Special protien cereal. Back home vada, payasam and appams on banana leaf was the fare :( Sigh! Umbilical woes.

If I had actually gotten my most over quoted mallu a** off the couch and gone to school this year, it would have been my first day at school today :P (Assuming the school accepted me). Student of Class 09-10. I would have graduated same day next year.

And boy!!! Watta story that would have been. Imagine reading this. She had a job , that TOO when the times were difficult, which she quit to go to school only to graduate with a big fat degree which she now uses to bang her head with.

That would have been some entertaining read.

Sometimes a girl can have all the luck. For once the girl who has it is reliving the tale. For once procrastination came to my rescue like a knight in armour.

Procrastination is like Robin Hood you know. Steals time from people (such as me) because you have no need for it. Gives it to someone poor and needy like the Indian psephologist.

With 48 hrs left for the first vote to be cast, as the world's largest democracy goes to the elections, the big question that is out on the street in America is "Was today's American Idol show the most lackluster ever?" Unless, if all you did was gawk at Paula Abdul's neckline, in which case my asking such a question makes you wonder if all that protein from that cereal has clogged my cerebrum or cerebellum or medulla.

• I can speak commendable English, Tamil, Telugu, Hindi. None of it is my native tongue. I speak deplorable malayalam. I'm a mallu.
• Give me a good read and I will rape through it. One spelling mistake in the material and I will abort the mission.
• No, it's not rain. It's overheated iron boxes and old 10 paise coins that make me nostalgic.
• I never ever tell my age on my birthday. I am scared my longevity will decrease. I celebrate half birthdays.
• When I am in deep trouble or in deep grief I laugh a lot. I am at my humorous best.
• Even when everything falls apart I don’t cry. But when I saw my dad after a 2 year hiatus tears flowed down my cheek. When I saw my mom the floodgates broke open. When I saw my 1 year old nephew I bawled like a baby. He giggled.
• I have written my Goodbye mail to send out when I quit work to purse my real calling in life. I see it everyday before leaving work. The day I get a chance to send it for real I will cry. Tears of Joy.
• I want to travel around the world. If that doesn’t happen for some reason I will make my son/daughter a sailor or pirate and sail in their ship.
• Friday night party, Saturday morning Run & Saturday evening prayer - My sanity routine.
• Kids melt me. Not chocolate.
• I can marathon for 16 hrs. Not the running kind. The sitting on couch and watching TV runs.
• I like the french - Fries, Parfum and Kiss.
• I once ate breakfast, lunch and dinner. Each twice. Everyday. For a week. I didn’t’ gain a pound.
• I have a nose for pregnant women. I have almost always needed just one look to tell if a friend is pregnant or not. Sometimes even the woman herself hadn't received medical confirmation yet.
• I once was in a major road accident and my face was scarred. The doctor said I required cosmetic surgery. And even after that he said recovery wouldn't be complete. I poured brandy on my scar for 6 months. Face was spotless. Doctor was speechless.
• I have been to New York 6 times. I belong there.
• I always doze in a bus/train but wake up in time to get off. When I was in Singapore my sis and I were in a bus. I was dozing. She was constantly nagging me not to sleep for fear of missing the stop. When it was time to alight I woke up from a deep sleep and got off . She forgot to get off.
• I drink Jeera water everyday, Makes the next day's "Job" much easier. I once had 10 Samosas and 5 spring rolls in one stretch. I drank Jeera water before going to bed.
• I had it until I was 5 – No, Not bed wetting. Fear of dark.
• I wore frilly frocks till I turned 18. My mom hid them in embarrassment. I found them and hid them again. Frilly frock fashion might make a comeback. My son or daughter might appreciate the act. Heirloom. Legacy.
• 2000- A teacher once called me a burden on earth since I was obese. I was dumbfounded. 2002- The teacher was dumbfounded. He let out a cat whistle.
• I have atleast 2 shoes for every color in the rainbow. I love watching my mother pleat her saree. I love talking to my fish.
• I am a strict vegetarian.
• I went to the beach almost every single day when I was in College.
• One morning, a few days ago, a friend (friend seeks anonymity) tagged me . The same night there was a crisis at work. Late night. Conference room. 10 people were nervously taking notes to fix some issues in the system. Tense atmosphere. I was there too, taking notes. You just read them. I shared my notes after the meeting with everyone in the room. Frown Lines became laugh lines. We went and solved the crisis in 30 minutes. And had a good night's sleep.
• Good Night!

I tag Jusha, Saya, Alteregoishere.

This is my real story. All characters are definitely alive and kicking.

You are not the first to read this story. D.Rishi had the privilege of the first read today evening. After reading he said "It was poetic justice for what I did to you".

Circa 1988 Thursday 11:59 am- My name was B.Reva. I was in UKG - B section. I wore green shirt flaps. I was very short, fat and resembled a mud roller, faintly, when I walked.

It was recess time. I was drinking the Bournvita that the domestic help brought to school everyday. Kids were playing in the hot sun in the playground. The Bournvita unleashed the animal in me. We ran to the playground - My tummy and I.

From nowhere a boy pelted a stone at my tummy. The last words I heard were a kid's voice saying "Short, stout, looser " My tummy and I doubled in pain. The perpetrator was D.Rishi. Dog Rishi! The other kids jeered, booed and called me a wuss before the hot sun closed in on me.

I went home crying. Mom inquired. I narrated the woeful tale. She asked me to watch Camouflage Animal watch - a Discovery Channel video. In retrospect I think I learnt my first valuable lesson in life that day - How an animal camouflages and waits at it's prey's usual watering hole.

Circa 1988 Friday 11:59 am

Same setting - Help has brought the drink . This time, Boost. Secret of my energy. His back is turned to me. I make timid steps. D. Rishi is having a sandwich in the shades of the mangrove in the distance. I crouch towards him stealthily. I pick up a stone and hurl it at him. Stone's trajectory makes a parabolic motion and he turns his head just in time to see it coming at him, full throttle, with the velocity of Soviet WW rocket. 4 of his incisors were history that day. They were permanent teeth.

Mother cheered from the pavement nearby. The domestic help whistled. After all they were the architects of the victory. Mother picked the weapon. Domestic help delivered it to me, with Boost.

The secret of my victory, Our Victory - Boost.

Circa 2008 Tuesday 6:37 pm XYZ Airport.

My name is B.Reva. I am in zyx Company. I wear Manolo Blahnik.

I was leafing through a magazine. A man sat next to me. He occupied two seats. Reflex action - I checked him out. I saw a flash of white. I leaned to take a closer look. His incisors were whiter than the rest of the teeth. He was short and stout. He was yakking on phone. I heard my school's name . He was on a roll. So was his tummy. He hung up. I asked his name.

I asked if he remembered B.Reva. He held his breath. He complimented that I was not how he remembered me or how he thought I would turn out to be. Shy came. I blushed a bit. A dog owner passed by. My Train of thoughts - Dog. Rishi. Dog Rishi. Boost. Animal. Camouflage. Prey. Mother. D/Help. Pavement. Cheer. Victory.

We hugged customarily and promised to "Poke" each other on Facebook.

Circa 2008 Tuesday 6:57 pm XYZ Airport

Last boarding call for me. His flight was a couple of hours after mine. I called my mother trying to balance a piece of paper in one hand and the phone in the other. I said a few words. Mother cheered. She said I had given myself my best birthday present ever. It was my birthday, that day. I was born at 6:57 PM. Talk about timing.

D.Rishi missed his flight. His boarding pass, a piece of paper needed to board a flight, was missing. Security issues. They refused to print him a new one unless he cleared security again. He waited 2 more hours before they could get him a new one for the next flight.

Later on that night he thought felt a tug when he hugged me. He thought it was his tummy coming in our way. Not my hand reaching for the paper which I held in my hand while telling Mother what I had done and trashed in a dumpster before boarding.

I need to go now and "Poke" him on Facebook.

He says we are now officially even.

Moral of the story - Mummy knows best . So stop sucking your thumb :P !!!

For a full 2 minutes,after the elimination result was announced in the Idol today, my eyes were wide shut. I wanted to feel how it must have been for Scott to be in the limelight yet not be able to see it.

In the 2 minutes that my eyes were wide shut I wondered how short sighted could it have been to choose Anoop over Scott.

Scott - You are differently abled, A dark beauty. I salute you!

Of late I have been working extended hours.Yawn! Some general, lame, corny excuse of the last order about giving some worth in return for the money I take home:P I know!

It would have been be a sacrilege if I hadn't taken time off to watch Adam "Guy Liner wearing" Lambert's performance on today's Idol.

And publicize my allegiance to him in my status in Orkut, Facebook, Office email signature ...Wait a minute!!!

Adam is definitely one of the most innovative singer ever on Idol and there is yet another feather in this lad's hat as an outcome of his performance tonight. Of course, it takes a L/reva, bestowed with the powers of acute observation to bring such monumental feats to your attention.

Only a A. Lambert can :

• Get away with "performing" in a blue movie light setting and also have his family watch him LIVE in "action":P
• And actually also have America vote for him for the same.
• And maybe even go on to win the idol.
• And maybe even make a record.
• And delay our bed time because we need to blog about some random thing so as to entertain faithful blog readers personalities like Adam Lambert seeing whom male teens get a brainwave to cut costs by sharing their girlfriend's eyeliner and black nail shade, all to look fashionable. (Maybe its PAYBACK time. We stole their fashion -trousers, shirts even ties. They steal our liner ,black nail shades and long hairstyles. A very karma levelling phenomenon).
  
• And have you and me get our lazy bottoms to work in the morning so we can download his song from torrent itunes.

So, Girls and Boys vote for All pay and no work Adam Lambert and get your 80 cents, while I email my English teacher from school (keeping Wren and Martin in copy) that they were hoodwinking us all these years. We CAN construct full meaningful sentences in English that begin with "And"( like I did in the bullets above) and have several adults reading this google for that long lost treasure they once posessed called Wren and Martin.

And wonder if that is all that they needed to ace their GRE/GMAT/TOEFL.

On a serious note - Kudos! I am contemplating using A.L's soul and subsequently goosebumps stirring rendition of "Mad world" as a grave "skin condition" to take off work tomorrow.

Just one small roadblock - My boss has subscribed to my blog feed :( Sigh!

Just back from a dear friend's house who is quitting work soon to go back to school.

If I ever go back to school for my masters education, on the first day of school I would oil and center part my hair, double plait it with black ribbons, wear a pinafore dress ending several inches below the knee, carry a slate & chalk to take notes.

In a custom painted pink Volkswagen Beetle car with Pink Floyd music blaring loudly.

In horn rimmed spectacles.

Now don't go see my profile pic :P

I have kept mum last 2 days. No it wasn't PMS. I was mourning. 2 days of unfathomable pain.

My best buddy got hurt. He is convalescing now. He is tall, dark, handsome. My bud is my love. I spend all days and nights in and with him. He and I explore every part of the city together. At times some others tag along. We don''t mind company. He and I are old school. As long as we have our moments and our share of privacy we don't have a care in the world. Even when I moved to a different city he moved with me. He isn't high maintenance so it is quite the marriage of convenience.

And a couple of nights ago while I was sound asleep - someone got him , unawares. A barbaric , heinous act. Bud was beaten up for the unpardonable act of quietly standing outside my house waiting for me to wake up and go out with him for a ride.

I come in the morning to see him battered and bruised. And the perpetrator hadn't even left a note of apology. Not even a "Oops, My bad!!!".

Luckily, no major injuries. He went unscathed albeit for minor, cosmetic abrasions. He is getting a facelift on Wednesday. And If I can get my hands on the ***tard (Not mustard) who did it - I will let my eyes bore through his soul and ask him - "When are you going to sleep? You will have a pleasant surprise waiting when you wake up, like I had!! "

For all you doubting thomases who still believe I had PMS and am making all this story up. Take a peek.


Related Posts:
Love - Lost and found

I Love music = I Love good singers.

In American Idol this week LHS was not equal to RHS.

Because ,

MJo is space ages ahead of Anoop Dog.
She has an attitude and I like people who have one. I don't care if a person's attitude is good or bad.

I Love people who have one.

MJo told Simon "She didn't care".

And to me that was a good singer with a damned good attitude that America voted out!!!

So were Jennifer Hudson and Clay Aiken in prior seasons. They probably will be called for live performance in a future season. Last laugh was never louder. Rest my case.

This week's live performances:

• Boy, David Cook is a dish :P
• Lady Ga ga needs to go- go. She looked like pink cotton candy wrapped in silver foil crying for a kid's attention.

Some get Geisha Facials, Some get leech therapy. Now we are all not such extremists.
So we will just pull a face, stick our tongues and get young!

That is what Happy Face Yoga teaches us to do.

Now if you are looking to pepper in some office fun, call your workmates and give a session with a live demo. Ensure everyone participates. Interactive session and all.

If possible keep a picture of boss facing while you do this.

You may substitute the picture of boss for anyone else's as you deem fit. Free will. Full fun.

WARNING: Make sure no kids are around.

Okay, I have been working with computers last few years so I do know a bit about managing my site :)

Thanks to all those who mailed me all through the last hour frantically saying the site was down.

You see, I am touched by your concern. No really. Honored to know this site is monitored 24x7.

Just got some kicks out of tickling your funny bones by bringing it down intentionally for a while.

Caught ya, Happy April Fool's day!!!!


If you were not one of those who mailed me saying the site was down you obviously must be patting yourself on the back for saving yourself the blushes.

How about this? I am planning on sending a gift to all those who mailed me!! Loyalty rewards program you see!

Ha!!!