Won’t ask, Don’t tell!  

Posted by lafemmereva in ,

And here I come...! ...This time around I have no answers to the world’s ills. Just more quizzical questions. As they (who?) say – the older you get the better you get.

Me thinks – the older – the more perplexed!

Here goes my catechism.

1. What's short, sweet and lasts a week?
My paycheck.

2. What’s long, hard and makes you sweat in the nights?
Shae! Dirty minds! Work Nights. what else?

3. I'm finally in my flirty 30's but I will not be 31 or 32 the next year or the one after that - True statement. How?
Because Tooth#31 and Tooth #32 are now decoratives in the bowl that whets the wet dream of my definitely male betta

Visit to the torture chamber Dentist : A female colleague from work in the dentist’s waiting area with the most immaculate teeth ever. Wonder why she needs a dentist. Wait. Definitely porcelain dentures. Made in China.
Exchange pleasantries while she pleasantly bares her pearlies and I deftly move over to death sorry! dentist’s chair:

Dentist: Born in Mumbai, Made in America. Deadly female species. Pours over my mouth while I go one tooth and several dollars lesser.

L/reva's Dentis ‘isms”:

  • “You should brush your teeth” Yes, My mother tells me that for FREE.
  • “Did you have all these problems in India” No, because they don’t sell toothbrushes there. We still brush with neem twigs (which by the way are more cost and medicinally effective than Oral B brushes that flex your muscles more than themselves!)
  • “You should floss” Yes! with moss. Because I’ve tried everything else.
  • “Your gums are weak. You should get hem checked often” My bank balance is weak too which makes me get my eyes checked more often to make sure I’m seeing the balance right!
  • “You might bleed a bit during the procedure” 2 Trays were changed because they resembled the lagoons in my hometown in Kerala. Only the liquid in this lagoon wasn't colorless but bright,red and didn’t have women in petticoats bathing in it. Or men in Lungi’s half squatting doing their “thing” with a chombu (vessel) in hand.
  • “You should eat rich food” Yeah maybe that will compensate for my current state of dental, mental and fiscal poverty .
  • “You should use this *** mouthwash for a clean mouth” Yes for a clean stomach too. Because the chlororhexadiene tastes like phenyl mixed with wheat grass juice that clean your teeth and appetite for hours!

4. What is color psychology at work?
Black and Red are corporate colors that spell "Serious Business". Using them to portray a tough “I am a meanie” image of you at work is how, my dear sugar and honey pots, we women let color psychology do the talking at work.

To show your hard mettle, the tough fabric of morality that your character is made of and your undying determination to persist through very straining times at work show go black. It will make everyone else go banana pale yellow.
In days of yore Priests wore black to signify submission to God. Black means you surrender to work. Work encompasses your life. You are the woman on top ;)
Friendly and noted leaders, like Dracula, often wear black. Fear. Donning black makes you look fearless. Like Mamta Kulkarni, who I heard is naming a train after herself. I can already read the headlines. Mamta Express derailed.

Color of love. You love what you do. Work. You absolutely love waking up at 7 in the morning driving 20 miles to look at black, white and red screens and beating the same 20 miles back to get to home just in time to catch the late night show with David Letterman or watch Abhishek and Aishwarya on Oprah - Thankfully this time Oprah is made to wear a saree. Because no length of saree is enough to cover any part of her!

So there I go in Black Nail polish and Paan stained Red teeth to work for one full week. True statement. I can get a colleague to testify. (I bought him a white shirt. Think White, Think Peace! Think White coats, Think Dentist. SHUDDER!)

That’s another fundamental principle of color psychology. Camouflage, The boss sits in another office. Hee, Hee! Hayyo!

5. What needs to go up for you to know how far below in rock bottom you are?
Hope. And maybe a dwindling bottom. Sorry. Let me correct that, Yes! A dwindling posterior. But more on that later.

6. Define Hope?
That exotic dancer that on whom I accidentally spilt buttermilk in a flight to Las Vegas.
What we live on when everything else goes the gravity way – DOWN.
What keeps our spirits up – Wait a minute, Innit the other way round? Don’t spirits (Tequila, Vodka, Margarita) keep our hope up?

7. Dwindling posterior?
Excessive sitting on your posterior in office chair leads to a loss of grey and muscle matter. So 5 miles a day on the pacific coast highway. Sigh! The bottom is hard hit L

I hope you ladies have your Kleenex ready because you are just going to drool like b*tches.

Picture this.
Comfortably ensconced on a promontory in the western most point in Southern California overlooking the sea on a Full Moon night. Wind blowing through my long freshly Semi Permanent Burgundy Brown hair. A very tall and dear friend in the vicinity pensively watching the whole Pacific Coast raging against the cliffs.

Walking in the 3rd street Promenade, Rodeo Drive, Sunset Strip that house all the designer brands in the world. Pseudo Parisian High!

If I’ve been working hard, I’ve been partying HARDER!

I’m 25 years young for the next 12 days and I’m living it up in LA.

Bah! Dum di da dee!!

This entry was posted on Tuesday, October 6, 2009 at Tuesday, October 06, 2009 and is filed under , . You can follow any responses to this entry through the comments feed .



brilliant!!! dentist brought out peels of laughter in me.

I was in splits!

I checked your blog so often to see when you would write again.

And I demand a full length story about what you do in the beaches.

I demand I say!

And you are a queen of comebacks dahling!

October 06, 2009

Brillianto .... !!!!! :) Your dentistry is hillarious ... !!! Once again an amazing comeback .. !!! Looking fwd to more nd more nd more ... !!! Keep it coming .... !!!

October 06, 2009

ROFL...you never fail to amaze and make me laugh with your posts, reva...welcome back!..

October 06, 2009

Well, I am all laughing with a couple of teeth more than you (I guess)!

Btw..this reminds me of visiting my dentist...and that could spell trouble..as I am scared of needles

and off the track, its not Mamata Kulkarni, its Mamata Banarjee who could(/would) be naming the train...she is our beloved RAIL minister...that is nasty mistake...

Enjoy the silver jubilee...!!

October 07, 2009

Your paycheck lasts a week? A week? That's so lucky! Mine does the disappearing act within 2 days!

October 07, 2009

What is it that is decidedly feminine and is so good to look at?

Lafemmereva's outrageous posts.


October 07, 2009

She is back. And with a bang.
*runs off before revaness comes*

October 07, 2009

And there comes my pollu:):)

When I went last to thr dentist I accidentaly sprayed on her face :P and from then on she hasn't reminded me about any follow ups! :D:D

Really good post!

October 08, 2009

She is back.........and with a bang for sure!!! Where have u been so long??? amazing post..........i was totally lafing my head off!!!

October 08, 2009


October 11, 2009

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