The wild west story  

Posted by lafemmereva in , , , ,

Shakeela ma'am. Sorry Susheela ma'am. 70% of her back was short of fabric. And 70% of the male students in the class were high on it.

Full attendance of male students to chemistry labs and their subsequent "wet" dreams can be attributed to Susheela ma'am and her backless blouse.

This was 10 years ago. You would have thought that by now Susheela would have lost it. Tch! Tch!!

On July 4th we all gathered at the Time Warner center to watch the spectacular fireworks display. People were gaping with mouths open. A`pat on my back brought me face to face with her - after a decade. She had come to California to visit her son . An exchange of pleasantries and a stealthy glance at her back and I knew what people were still gaping at. I noticed a woman hold onto her husband tightly after seeing Susheela.


70% of the earth is covered with water. So is 70% of California. And within a month of living in LA I have been to 70% of the beaches. But just one of them remains my all time favorite. Santa Monica. The pier and the Ferris wheel in that Pier.

Life always comes a full circle and if there's anything you can do with it it's to go on and on and on and on. And that's what the Ferris wheel in the Santa Monica Pier, which draws me to it every weekend and keeps me there till the wee hours of the morning, symbolizes - that Life always comes a complete circle and you must go on despite the odds but always carry an extra pair of clothes with you whenever you go on the ride because the kid behind you might just puke on you. And undigested, suspicious, brown color Nutella from a kid's tummy can look a lot like......!!!!!!


Los Angeles is a land of eternal sunshine and poverty. The "haves" continue to have and the "have nots" blog about it.

A land of people that date Prada, Gucci and Manolo Blahniks and are occasionally genderally challenged. The other day I was at this restaurant called Bubba Gump (Yeah, there is a restaurant modeled after Forrest Gump!!!! Ho!! He!! Ha!!! and the sign to hail the waiter is "Run Forrest run"!!!! ) . I realized that the humidity had caused my liner to run mildly. Fretting about the cosmetic emergency I looked around to see if a damsel would offer help of size 1 oz.. A pat on my back made me come to face with a whose eye was so well lined that one might think he/she had his liner tattooed. Which might just be possible in LA. He offered me the best pot of eyeliner I have come across. Yep!! I stocked 2 pots of it from the mall last weekend!!!

Oh, and the simbly mallu men, A dime a dozen I say. You would think that the mallu men are mundu wearing , appam eating types working as nurses in gelf. Hello metrosexual!! Meet the new mallu men who drive top notch cars, party in the swankiest clubs in LA, wear Calvin Klien and yes!!! ask and take you out on a decent date!!! Ho!!!! Ho!!! Dum di da da da da da!!!!!

Chihuahuas are dearer than children. I was in Malibu last Sunday and this lady is walking her chihuahua. The daughter is ambling along. The chihuahua puts a puppy face feigning fatigue and the lady in a jiffy lifts it and puts it in her tote bag. Her daughter complains of fatigue and the lady asks her to rest for a couple of minutes and resume the walk!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Silicones have replaced diamonds as a girl's best friend. Gone are the days when girlfriends dropped hints to their boyfriends in a subtle way:

Two lovers sitting in a park bench outside LA:
Girl: Honey will you buy me a rock (diamond)?
Boy: But..I have the housing loan....
Rock (The real one) falls on the guy's head and the sound of heels click away in the distance.

Two lovers sitting in a park bench in LA:
Girl:Honey I think we need to take our relation further .
Boy: Er....(Fearing the "M"(arry) word!
Girl: I think I need to go from a size B to a size G.
Boy: Phew!! sure honey!!

And she goes to the top notch Plastic surgeon and gets some silicone implants, which if Pamela had patented, would have made her a gaziollionaire!

There is more silicone in the chest of an LA woman than in the Silicon valley itself!!!

LA should be made the reuse capital. How they reuse plastic!! You see plastic on the face of every man, woman and Chihuahua in LA. When a child is born in the southern part of India he is told to become a doctor or Engineer. In LA he is told to become a Plastic Surgeon.

If its a baby girl she is told to become an actress and marry Hugh Hefner. Marrying Hugh Hefner will not get the girl's parent booked for child marriage or get Hugh Hefner arrested for child molestation as per Californian Law for Playmates!


Pillavayu - In telugu means "Baby Breeze". These are small baby breezes that hit your face and make you feel like a model in the "Ponds Dreamflower Talc" ad. Case in point. Malibu Bluffs park. Ho! If Japan is the land of sunrise, Malibu is the land of sunset and "Baby breezes"!! The evening breeze in Malibu is so cool and refreshing it makes you want to make babies. Ho!!! Those "baby making breezes" I say! Er!! Baby breezes I say!

All this baby talk reminds me of an incident in Palghat, Kerala. There was a river called BharataPuzha which flowed through our backyard. There is a dense vegetated area by the river which was called "Lover's cove" because it was where the lovers would tryst with destiny or whatever such thing. I always dreamt of spotting a couple "in the act". So one hot summer afternoon paying no heed to my grandmother's stern warnings I stealthily crept to the "Lover's cove" by the river and saw a long lock of hair on a woman's head behind a tree trunk swaying vigorously. With curiosity and adrenalin mixing like vodka and bloody mary I ran upto the spot to "out" the couple only to realise that it was a squirrel playing with a wig. Sigh!!!! I still carry that scar from childhood. Trauma.

And so there I was one fine morning waiting at the DMV with guilt eating me since I was away from a very important day at work but I couldn't do anything about it because the offices are closed during the weekends. As`I wait there soaking in the Los Angeles heat, a cyclist passes by shouting at the line of car owners outside DMV "Start Biking guys, You no longer need to stand in a line". Was that a truckload of salt dumped on our wounds with rivers of sweat making deltas and estuaries?

If you have seen Kambakth Ishq you know how the life of the noveau riche in California is. Shudder!! Do I hear Mangalam, Mangalam in the background? I run for cover!

Alrite cats, the Ferris wheel is green now. I gotta go. Life is calling.

This entry was posted on Wednesday, August 5, 2009 at Wednesday, August 05, 2009 and is filed under , , , , . You can follow any responses to this entry through the comments feed .


Ahhhhhh what a come back ... !!!

Waited exactly a month for the wild wild west story !!! Is it the 5th of the month and its the last day to pay your rent and feeling distressed after that effect or is it just that whenever you write its brilliant? :)

A brilliant excerpt of LA from the eyes of the commoner there !! :)

Keep blogging .........

August 05, 2009

Hahaha!!! Squirrel with a wig!!!!! I doubt that you went to "out" the couple. You must have been lurking around beacause some hot and tall mallu chettan would have asked to meet you there. Fraud Mollu!!!!

Brilliant post!! are you still whiling away your time in that desk job?

You have a creative mind!!!

August 05, 2009

Venky oda kovil polaya? Customary illa ?

August 05, 2009


U mean Malibu temple..every sunday sharp 6 o clock. 9 times around navagraham :)

August 05, 2009


be a man and write what you actually told me after you read the blog - that you actually asked me if susheela was teaching and if yes in which school!!! Rascal!

August 05, 2009


and you have a perverted mind. :P Darling - I was a kid way back then. Even now!!!

August 05, 2009


Kid u who? U have a kid :P:P

August 05, 2009

U have still not answered teh question !!! ;) !!!

August 05, 2009

Hahahahahahah nice nice, you having total fun na :)

btw, did you get used to the metros with all their confusing directions and stops and stuff ?? or you got a car??

either ways, if you see julia roberts, say hi from me :)

August 05, 2009

you sure are leading an interesting life there :D

August 05, 2009

good post and after a long time!

August 05, 2009

phew! u r bck!! nd lo! wht a comebckk!! extremely hilarious !! couldnt stop laughing while reading all your post!! loved it! fantastic!

keep blogging! dnt go missing nw!

August 06, 2009

And the Lafemmereva strikes again...

This time, it is silicon push-ups...! I mean what's wrong in it? In the words of legendary Rakhi Sawant,

"Jo BHAGWAN nahi deta, woh DOCTOR deta hain...!!"

Pamela, Rakhi, Shilpa, Urmila,..hmmm

I better get back to my work..but nice post...M'am...!!!

August 06, 2009

I had a goegraphy teacher who sported a front like susheela's back. Thanks to her, I still cannot remember where hyderabad is! :D

So which car does ur Mallu drive?

August 06, 2009

hey Revathi,

I was not aware of your blog till I saw the link in your orkut profile. Nice post! It definitely made my day :-)


August 06, 2009

LOL hilarious! :)) I love Santa Monica as well :)).. except for the beach babes part ..sighhh

August 06, 2009

Nice summary of LA in tit-bits. loved it!!
And have few awards and a tag at my blog :)

August 06, 2009

Oh my..! ... now i know why my prayers are not answered ! :P

70% California is covered in water? You got it wrong incase you didnt know its a declared drought in california ! Beaches and Bikini ladies apart !

August 06, 2009

yay revs, you are back...:-)...having fun in LA, eh? i wanna come to that side of the country sometime...
no snaps of the beautiful beaches?

August 06, 2009

@T Danke:)

He he!! Yes back from the long swim in the pacific!! Come come...We shall swim together!!! (The sharks are hungry :):) (evil grin)

August 06, 2009


you have the lord in your name :)unakul kadavul irukar!!!

August 06, 2009


LA fever has caught onto me..Itsy bitsy (clothes) titsy bitsy :)

Sure will come there...and collect the awards!! :)

August 06, 2009


U bet :) But if I am the beach babe you will like me no? :)

August 06, 2009


The rent is paid. The debt is made. The blog is laid.

August 06, 2009


Paycheck to Paycheck existence is always interesting. Sigh!!! It's rent time meira! :(

August 06, 2009


Ho!!! No metro to work. I am my own driver since 2 years. Oh! and that reminds me of LA traffic. Hayyo!! Don't ask!

Total Fun!!

I will ask her to loan me her legs for a day and I will go to Santa Monica in those! Ho!

August 06, 2009


Mallu men here ride everything. I mean drive!

Whre there is biryani hyderabad there is!!

I think I wanna become a teacher. I will have more publicity even past my youth than a hollywood actress. what say?

August 06, 2009


Danke :) Do stop by!

August 06, 2009

@roy/parv kaushik

Danke monsieurs!!! will write more often!! :)

August 06, 2009


rakhi now has her canadaian NRI. Who can do the push ups for her!!!! :P

Ho that woman and her stunts!!!

Work? U read my blog at work? Dude!!! U r henceforth my most favoritest blog pal on planet earth , mars and venus!!!! Hail Amol!

August 06, 2009

Heard about the Santa Monica beach and ferri wheel though I've never been there...see that ur having a blast..enjoy!!!

August 06, 2009

L. Reva..

What a comeback!!!

Hey, I have a story about the Ferris wheel too, but a scary one. About 10 in the night, almost a no-moon night, sound of sea waves below you, and you are sitting in the top most bin of the wheel, and then - the wheel stops!!! you bend down to scream and you find there's no one else on the wheel but you. And that's the very reason it stopped - the operator wanted to save gas or whatever by not running an apparently empty-binned wheel. No cellular signal up there, hence no 911. After almost 10min of shouting and OMGing, the wheel started to move again. Trust me, this happened to us. :)

August 06, 2009

"Pillavayu" - didn't know there's one such word in Telugu. Shame shame.. you seem to be knowing more telugu than I do. :)


August 06, 2009

"...come to face with a"- shining (and quite literal) example of gender equality! But then, umm, gay marriage bill Mr. Governator?

August 06, 2009

its good to see you back...and you have made my stomach hurt like anything with such a hillarious post :P

August 07, 2009

Interesting! From susheela to Silicon valley to plastic surgeons....

August 07, 2009


August 09, 2009

Revaness is never online.. hardly blogs.. who who who is taking up all her time.. gah..

August 14, 2009

u gifted me smile during this boring session of night shifts :)
and palghat?

August 17, 2009

I love ferris wheel, it reminds me of my childhood.

-Delphian Oracle

August 26, 2009

an amazing read;) this motley of first hand experiences from the west are really good on humor and light on nerves:) good post!

September 12, 2009

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